First some things I know. This Sunday in fast and testimony meeting I didn't bare my testimony, so maybe I'll do that know.
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| "All things denote there is a God" Alma 30:44 Photo by Elisa Skidmore, Glacier National park |
I know that Jesus Christ has restored His church to the earth through a modern prophet, Joseph Smith. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the divinely inspired institution God has given us on earth to help us live the gospel of Jesus Christ. It contains the God's priesthood power, the saving ordinances, living prophets, and the opportunity to be refined by serving in His kingdom. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. When I read it I feel the Spirit telling me it is the word of God. It testifies of Christ and teaches how to come to Him.
Now for some thoughts.
I am so grateful that God gives us commandments. He has high standards for us! He wants us to become. The past few weeks I have really felt Him help me change. But I had to put in the effort. This recent video explains that concept really well.
The specific things I have been learning lately are within motherhood. Sometimes it's hard to be patient and optimistic, especially when you don't get very much sleep. My ability to be a happy, loving mom was going up and down so I was feeling bad about my weaknesses.
[For some background-- I didn't know much about babies before having one. I didn't really research sleep training or know what the options were other than some things I knew I didn't want to do. So for all of Elena's life (just over a year now) she has mostly fallen asleep nursing. This has worked pretty well for us. It is a sacrifice at times, but I am a full-time mom of only one...so I have time. Every time it's gotten hard I have searched my soul and usually learned something new (or got through that rough teething phase) and felt peace about continuing. Also, overall, as anyone who knows us will know, Elena is a very happy girl. She gets a lot of love and attention and is very bright and doing very well. But lately it is gradually started eating at me that my one-year old does not know, I repeat does. not. know. how to put herself to sleep. It is hard for me but also makes me feel bad she doesn't have that skill. As she gets bigger and bigger it becomes even more difficult when she's in a fighting mood because she is more capable of fighting ]
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| My precious baby girl |
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God has answered my prayers and helped me be more patient. Our wonderful lesson in Relief Society this Sunday helped with that as well. Over the past few weeks I have tried and sometimes stumbled, but I have learned that when opposition comes (i.e. lack of sleep, needy baby, long days), I can pray for and strive to have faith, hope and charity anyway. God has helped me choose to be more compassionate to my baby when I'm feeing tired. He has helped me in my efforts to not resent her for my lack of sleep. I have learned to trust God. That with His help I can do this. That He will never give me something I can't handle. That He really knows what's best for me.
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At the same time I have been prompted by things I've read and thoughts I've had that I do need sleep and God knows that. I have felt peace about my initial ignorance of sleep training. For some time now I've known I will do things very differently with the next baby. But I have been at a total loss to know what to do with my 1 year old who doesn't know how to put herself to sleep. But I have felt peace from God and support for my husband as we've begun trying some things in order to make a change. I am continuing to research. Something I learned a while back really serves me well here: Do your research, then be still and listen to your heart. These are delicate things. Every baby is different. No one blog or one person has the answer. Another thing I've realized (perhaps again) lately is that it's ok that I have no idea what I'm doing as a mother, as long as I am filled with love and living in the present. No use worrying about the past or the future.
Just an experience reminding me that God helps us to both accept our circumstances, and to change them. Mostly He helps us change inside, and that is a miracle.
Oh Elisa, I am right there with you. Jimmy doesn't know how to put himself to sleep either, and because of that he still wakes up several times a night. We did "sleep train" him (I still kind of cringe at myself even saying that...) once a few months ago and it honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He was immediately sleeping more, and better, so I knew it was worth it. But we never really had time to get into a routine before traveling, moving, more traveling, sickness, and teething took us right back to our bad habits. He just got over a cold, but we are moving again in a few weeks (back to a crib in his own room, which he hasn't had all summer), so I don't want to try training him again until there is less change in our future. Even then, I'm nervous about it because now he can crawl and stand, which he couldn't do the first time, so I really don't see how he's supposed to just lay down and fall asleep. It can be SO discouraging. It's hard to see a light at the end of this tunnel... but, like you, I have had divine help in becoming more patient (with Jimmy's wakings and with myself and the bad habits I unknowingly created for my son). My worth as a mother is not determined by how well my baby sleeps - and my happiness shouldn't be either! That has become somewhat of a mantra for me...
ReplyDeleteYeah that makes sense to wait for stability. And Elena can walk so you can imagine what this looks like! We've tried crying it out for the first time lately. She stands there and cries. Last night after a half hour of crying (not too bad I guess) she was silent. After 5 minutes I went to check on her and she was standing there looking at me! She did fall asleep soon after that...sitting up leaning against the crib lol. When I lied her down she woke up...but there is potential here! But yeah, it's not as bad as I thought either. I didn't feel like she was traumatized. Just that she honestly doesn't know how to lie down and fall asleep. So maybe we'll get there.
ReplyDeleteOh, and yes, your worth as a mother does not change! However, your happiness is *affected* by sleep. :) That's what I've been realizing lately. And your happiness affects your baby. So that's why I've felt it is a worthy cause to get better sleep.
Also, one thing I was trying to say with this post is that while I don't have the answers, the Lord has helped me feel ok with that. I'm not perfect, and that is ok. Also, GREAT discovery -- talking to moms who have 4+ kids always makes me feel better. Sometimes they have specific advice, but mostly their overall perspective is just refreshing. It will all work out! We can do this! The little things really won't matter. Just some thoughts.
Taking care of a child is hard work! Every mother has her own struggles. William is a very good sleeper but wasn't originally like that as you know. He was about a month old the first time I let him cry himself to sleep. I had no idea what I was doing either! I didn't read any book or did research on how to raise a baby. I trusted my motherly instincts (not originally with letting him cry it out though, that was Jordan's iron hand), which back then were very inexperienced. And even now, Jordan and I are basically experimenting on how to raise a toddler! William has been sleeping on a single bed for week now and we're slowly potting-training him. There was no prepping whatsoever, we just started doing it, and so far it is working. But there are still tough nights. William still wakes up in the middle of the night at least once a month- maybe because of a bad dream or something. I have been waking up way earlier than I’d like to make sure he doesn't wet his mattress and to cater to his needs since he goes to bed early in the evening. The last time I had to get up this early was when I was in high school! Sleeping in is a hobby of mine (like most young people), but I realized how he really needs me to get up early and get our day started. It has become our routine now but not every morning is perfect of course.
ReplyDeleteI know Elena will get there! She will learn how to put herself to sleep soon. Her mind will slowly adapt to soothing herself and falling asleep when she needs to and when Mommy needs her to. She is blessed with such a loving and righteous mother with the right intentions. You’ve raised a happy, well-tempered one year old! That’s certainly an accomplishment! Now, you’re going to help her put herself to sleep for her benefit, and also yours. Just hang in there! It will happen. Keep doing what you’re doing and slowly but surely she will learn this skill! We surely aren’t PERFECT moms and I don’t believe there is one out there. What’s more important is that we are trying our hardest to cope with the imperfections and still raise happy, content, and well-loved children!
I love the part that says it's okay not to know what to do, as long as we're loving. Whether or not we can give our kids what we want, as long as they know we love them we're on the right path to finding out what to do.
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