Saturday, December 31, 2016

No Where I'd Rather Them Be

I had a good realization recently about my motherhood identity. We are taught and I believe in the nobility and Christ-like nature of a mother's sacrifice for our children. But when I am struggling mentally and emotionally, the sacrifice doesn't feel very holy. There was a time in the recent past when other mom's posts about being SO grateful to be a mother left me feeling a little bitter, not knowing whether or not I felt that way.

First of all, getting myself to a better place emotionally has transformed how I feel about motherhood, and it is wonderful and I love it! I could probably talk about the importance of taking care of your mental health all day, but I will leave those details out for now.

A month or so ago I had a day where I did feel full of gratitude to be a mother and to be able to stay home with my children, and so I posted about this on instagram. In expressing this feeling, I used the phrase, "There is no where I would rather them be."

I felt slightly insecure about not being able to honestly say, "There is no where I'd rather be." But a few days later in reflecting on that I realized that yes, sometimes there are places I would rather be or things I would rather be doing, but that I don't do them right now, because I want to be taking care of my children. That I actually care about them more than I care about myself, in that sense. Being selfless doesn't mean you don't care about yourself (in fact, it is extremely important that you do care about yourself) it means that you have a bigger picture in mind.

These girls are my children and there is no where I would rather them be. I want to be the one taking care of my children. I want them to benefit from my love, from the gifts God gave me and the reasons He let me be their mother.

So I am not a perfect mom, and there are still hard things every day, but now I feel more aware and content with the fact that there is no where I would rather my children be. I love being a mother and feel great peace in fulfilling this role.