I just wanted to jot down a few thoughts while the girls eat some veggie sticks. And it may be weird, but this is the way I write sometimes. If you want a much better written blog post, see the previous one. I just re-read it, that was a good one!
Also, I am going to get some "professional help," in addition to this writing therapy.
Maybe I need to re-write my internal dialogue
Instead of focusing on my struggles and all the things I can't do, inside and outside motherhood, focus on
What am I doing?
I am sustaining life, nurturing creativity, blah blah blah.
All the things that motherhood is.
I just now realized there is throw up from last week on the cupboard...
This is a huge sacrifice.
But if I embrace the sacrifice it will be less scary.
People talk about wishing they enjoyed these moments more.
People also talk about wishing people wouldn't tell them to enjoy it more.
Maybe it's supposed to be hard to enjoy, let alone survive.
Maybe it's also supposed to be looked back on with the fondness that can only come from going through it and struggling.
Some pictures from recently
Sick Elena last Monday. Honestly, the best day of my week. She took two naps. Jeff stayed home from work because it was the first business day after his week long trip to Sweden. It was fun to be with him! We did laundry (see next picture) and got organized and watched Fixer Upper.
First time successfully French-braiding. Now THAT is exciting. I watched some YouTube videos and realized something I had been doing (or, thinking, since I've hardly devoted any time to this) wrong
Awesome Dad. Helping me with aforementioned craziness as well as taking care of me when I got sick Saturday and Monday. Awesome PhD candidate. Just passed his comprehensive exam! Yay! One more year...we will survive!
Elena had this idea to make the crib into a fort today. :) Thus began the poetry in my head.
Mostly I played with Abigail outside of it so she wouldn't mess it up. But this was a cute moment.