This morning, when the light was just stunning, I got to go by myself to take pictures of the field just south of us, across from the elementary school in our neighborhood (crazy to think Elena will likely attend there next year!!!)
|In the summer these were soybeans. I've seen a lot of them around here. That and corn! #midwest|
It's hard to explain the pull agriculture has on me. I didn't grew up on a farm or anything. Though my Dad grew up on acreage and with horses, so it is in me. My soul is irresistibly drawn to nature in general, and when I see it, I want to keep it. Sort of selfish I guess. Maybe that's why I like photography.
We are now in this place in the middle. We are that much closer to our dream - Jeff finished his PhD, I survived the throws of new, young-motherhood. We upgraded from a sketchy apartment to a rental house. We escaped the desert and now live in a lovely, four-seasoned, green and moist area. We have literally and figuratively left the wilderness. :) And it feels great. We are so blessed to have divine guidance in our lives. It brings us so much peace knowing we are in the right place. This phase is proving to be great for Jeff's career path, and healing for me and for our family.
I am however looking forward to being settled somewhere. To have a real HOME. To be somewhere and know we will be there for 10 or more years. I actually like change, I thrive on it. But now that I am a mother and a homemaker, I can see the benefit of having a certain amount of stability, because things will always be changing anyway. I also love to really sink into a place so we can have strong relationships, grow, and ultimately, serve more.
That being said, I am also finding joy in the middle. If the fours year of grad-school in Arizona taught me anything, it is patience. We are learning so much through these lean years! I am so grateful we didn't start our marriage in wealth or convenience. These stretching experiences have helped us define our priorities. We aren't just preparing financially for the future, we are becoming who we want to BE in the future. (that could be a metaphor for life and heaven)
So while every time I step outside in the morning and see the light glint on the dew or shine through our neighbor's tree, my heart swells inside me with a longing for our own land, I rejoice at where we are now. Like Jody Moore says, "it is possible to love the home you are in, and at the same time want to move to a different home." In Arizona, that swelling in side of me was more like an ache. It hurt, thinking how far away that dream felt. Now it feels that much closer. And I know we can do it.
"I know in whom I have trusted." (2 Nephi 4:19)
So we have mice. We have bees.We have spiders. So our new car gets rear-ended and totaled just months after we made that providential purchase.
I know it will work out. We have gotten through this before!
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
God got us through the wilderness, he will get us through the middle. I still hold on to my dreams of agriculture, but we are finding so much joy, beauty and growth now!