As my google maps took me to an older part of Columbus, I
wasn’t really surprised. These resources tend to be located in poorer parts of
town. But what does that even mean anyway? I have lived in the poor part of town
most of my married life, and I am very rich. It’s all relative. There is
income, and there is social capital. There is financial poverty, and there is
spiritual poverty.
On this sunny Fall day, the old brick houses spaced tightly
together along this street looked rather charming, though I’m sure many of them
are rentals, and I saw an occasional boarded up unit.
I parked in the lot across from the food pantry. This was my
third visit to a food pantry this month, but the first time on my own. I felt
comfortable at this point – happy and grateful.
The first time I drove to a food pantry and saw the line of
people outside of what I later found out was the “free store” for clothes and
things, I didn’t think I could bring myself to go in. My friend was on her way
to meet me (I think she had a hunch I could use support). I called her and knew
I could be vulnerable with her.
“I can’t go in there, Caitlin.”
Empathetic but positive as ever (thank God for good friends!)
she told me she understood, and that she felt some resistance when she first
went. She asked me,
“What are you feeling? Undeserving? Prideful?”
Pride, I guessed. Being honest, I said, “I don’t feel like I
belong here.”
She assured me she would go in with me. She described how she focuses
on how we are all children of God. I love having a friend who testifies in everyday
conversation.
Well we went in, and it was fine of course. I got some free
produce.
I have since decided that because things are so tight with a
mortgage and a post-doc salary, I might as well go to a food pantry once a week
to stretch our money that much farther. After all, we completely qualify based
on our income and family size. And I’m not taking from anyone else. The food is
there for us to use!
Today as I approached this pantry I’d never been to before,
I was greeted and helped by friendly staff--female and male, white and black, old and young. I
was given a cart and plenty of bags to fill with as much produce as I could
use. There was fresh corn and lettuce, there were potatoes, pears, peaches, tomatoes,
watermelon as well as bread and milk. As I filled my bags, meal ideas came to
mind – corn chowder, home made tomato soup, peach cobbler.
The word that kept coming into my mind was abundance.
This was such an abundance of beautiful food, available to anyone who
needs it! It would allow me to create wonderful meals for my family.
I hear about abundance from life coaches like Jody Moore and
Brooke Castillo. They teach that there is plenty of money. That money is easy.
I’ve pondered how this relates to a family who does not own their own business,
and for a man who has been guided to academia, where there are politics to navigate.
My husband is working really hard (and smart, I would add). It will pay off with a faculty position
eventually, but in the mean time, well, here I am going to food pantries to save
a few bucks to maybe spend on decorative pumpkins or something. It doesn’t seem
like our positive thinking is translating into more $$$$.
But today I had a different perspective. When you think abundantly,
you open your mind to different possibilities. This is why we chose to invest
in a house instead of continuing to rent. This is why I felt prompted to open a
piano studio in our home and utilize my new neighborhood to find students. This
is why Jeff works later on Monday nights, teaching at the community college. And
this is why I have become humble enough to go to food pantries.
There IS plenty of money. As we have leaned into our
situation with open communication instead of stressing and worrying about it,
we have gotten to know our finances better, and become more intentional than
ever with what we do with our money.
Abundance is a mindset. Our income might not be multiplying
yet, but we are being inspired to do more with what we have. Creativity is
fueling my meal planning, home decor, and family activities. And with morning
and night backyard play, music lessons and casual singing, storybooks, and lots
of giggles, we have a truly rich life.
