Elena: our little light

Today Elena is 9 months old! Time flies...sort of. Sometimes it seems really slow...but I have learned so much and Elena is so precious!

Elena means light. It was actually sort of a mistake that we chose that name for her, but it was definitely meant to be. Today I went to the grocery store with her and was reminded of why that is. Every where we go people gawk at her big, alert, bright, blue eyes. She loves people and looks them right in the eye and gives them a big smile that just warms their hearts. Even when we come across people that I find a little scary looking and would probably otherwise just pass by, she gives them her smile and they comment on what a cute baby she is and suddenly seem a lot less scary.

Today as I walked around the store in a sort of melancholy mood I was reminded of how blessed I am to have this little light in my life. I hope that as an adult who is at times disillusioned with life, and often self-conscious around strangers, I can learn from her openness and inhibition.

So for an update she is crawling, though she doesn't get much practice because the tile floor is aversive to that. She loves to stand up and navigate around on tables and chairs or with our hands holding hers.

She is quite vocal and expressive with her sounds and faces. I think her first word may be 'dog'. She gets so excited when she sees one that I think she really makes the connection when I say the word for her. That and 'bird'. She imitates both words by making a trilling sort of consonant that resembles the 'd' sound.

bird!

Am I A Mormon Feminist?

Here I go. I know I am in dangerous waters posting about this topic. I really don't want to start a debate. But these types of questions have come up a lot for me over the past year or so in reading things online and occasionally posting and discussing with others. I just took a survey about mormon feminism and I felt a lot of clarity in writing my responses so I thought I would share what I wrote.

This is not to convince anyone to share my beliefs. But I know there are other LDS women out there like me who have been taken aback at the debates that have been going on and have not quite known what to think. I am writing this for you. The truth is, we can't worry about what other people are doing, we have to live according to our own conscience. But this is my affirmation of what I believe.

Here are a few of the questions I just answered. Some of the questions weren't worded exactly like this. I didn't copy/paste all of them and I couldn't remember them word for word.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? 

No

How does this term apply or not apply to you?

Feminist is a huge term that has many meanings all of which I do not pretend to know about. All I know is that for the most part it implies some sort of dissatisfaction with how you are treated as a woman. Some sort of cause you are fighting for. I am not fighting for any cause except building up the kingdom of God. I know that we are all equal in the sight of God. I know that we all have divine potential. God has given us a perfect plan in which we can live up to this potential. What I am here to do is exercise faith in Christ unto repentance, to make and keep my temple covenants which includes being a wife, a mother, and building up zion. It includes learning (from scriptures and other good sources), serving (my family, my neighbors, the community, the world, the church) and growing (repenting, overcoming weaknesses with God's help, challenging myself, developing talents). So in that sense maybe past definitions of feminist would apply to me, but the current definition of "mormon feminist," does not. Since the gospel is completely true, looking at it through any kind of lens will not do. The gospel contains all truth (and the church is God's appointed way of living the gospel in this life) so rather we must look at life through a gospel lens.

How does being a mormon feminist affect your interactions and experiences with the church?

The gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is either completely true, or it is completely false. There is no room for middle ground. I have a testimony that it is true. You may say that 'the gospel is true but the church...not so much'. Well the fact is this is God's church. The members and even the leaders are not perfect. But it is His church, and it is in His hands. So I am not a mormon feminist. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, trying to keep the covenants I have made with Him in His holy temple. As a covenant person I sustain the first presidency and quorum of the twelve apostles as prophets, seers and revelators. I do my best to follow their counsel, and it brings me so much peace and happiness! I LOVE the church. I love meeting with a ward and serving my fellow brothers and sisters. We build each other up. When I am sick people help me, when others are sick I help them. I gain so much from my interactions with other sisters through visiting teaching and other relief society activities. I am strengthened by the testimonies of the members of my ward and stake, and I hope they are strengthened by mine. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I love His church.

Additional comments:

I know in doing this research you are looking for opinions. But the truth is, the church is not a political or social organization. It is not a place for debate. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the way of life and salvation. It is an individual relationship with God - faith in Jesus Christ unto repentance, personal conversion, personal revelation. I hope my comments have been helpful for your research, but more importantly, I hope I have spoken according to the Spirit and testimony that is in me about this important topic.

Sensational Web Posts

It really bugs me how most link titles these days are super dramatic and tell you how you'll react when you read them: "your mind will be blown," "you'll never believe what happens," "you'll never look at ___ the same way."

It's just so cheap and sensational. And I don't like being told how I'll react. I will react in my own way based on who I am and what I know. 

What these titles successfully do is make you curious and want to click on it. That's why it's cheap. And what do you find when you click on it? Nothing much. How much value does that article or slideshow add to your day...or your life? It's just so empty.

I'm sick of internet wisdom. Even if I agree with a blog post title, is that really where I should find my validation? Just because someone writes a witty, snarky post about the virtues of being a stay-at-home mom, doesn't mean I, as a stay-at-home mom need to share it on my wall ("See! My life choice is right!"), let alone read it. 

I am not trying to judge anyone here. I am mostly exploring these thoughts for myself. It can be really hard to minimize the amount of web content you read in a day. It's there at your fingertips anytime you get onto facebook (which, unfortunately for me tends to be several times a day).

In contrast, I know that the scriptures and the words of modern prophets are the "living waters." How much are we figuratively drinking from those? What are we filling our minds with? Because what we fill our minds with is basically who we become.

The truth speaks for itself -- it doesn't need sensational, appealing link titles. It is moderate (as in, not extreme) and subtle. It also takes time and prayerful effort to find. But "if ye seek, ye shall find."

Just some thoughts. These are the sort of thoughts that inspired me to make this the other day.

Speaking of the words of living prophets, there is a wonderful article in the February Ensign [pg 34; it's not online yet] by Elder Richard G. Scott of the quorum of the twelve apostles. He talks about how to live a life of peace, joy and purpose. He says,

"Decisions are made in accordance with unchanging truths aided by prayer and the guidance of the Holy Ghost....
"As an exceptional son or daughter of God, you are sorely needed. There is an urgent need for more men and women like you who will stand for principles against the growing pressures to compromise those very principles...
"Above all, we need mothers and fathers who will preserve the sanctity and safety of the home and the integrity of the family in which faith in God and obedience to His commandments are taught as the foundation of a productive life."

I am so grateful to have the fullness of the gospel -- the scriptures, modern prophets, prayer and personal revelation. Because of this I can have peace in my life, despite the turmoil and confusion in the word.

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

John 14:27

A Song for the Christmas Spirit

"There is one thing which is of more importance than they all --
for behold, the time is not far distant that the Redeemer liveth and cometh among his people.
"He shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem...she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son,
yea, even the Son of God."

       -The prophet Alma, about 83 BC [Alma 7:7,10] 

It's the most wonderful time of the year. But sometimes it can be hard to really appreciate the significance of the season. That scripture keeps coming to mind because it says so clearly there is nothing more important than the reality of Jesus' life, death and resurrection. It means so much for us. I have been trying to ponder on this lately in order to really the Spirit of Christ this Christmas.

I just listened to this song -- A Carol of Joy. It's one I sang as part of the BYU combined choir number in two of the five annual Celebration of Christmas concerts I participated in. Hearing it again (and singing along wishing I could sing it again) just brought the Spirit so quickly and helped me feel the hope, joy and love Christ's coming brings to the world. 

I remember loving how the poetry refers to a fallen world, a fearful world and a friendless world. And it shows how Christ overcame physical death, sin and sadness.

Enjoy the song with the lyrics posted below. 

Merry Christmas!

Carol of Joy

by Eileen Berry

Green leaves all fallen, withered and dry;
Brief sunset fading, dim winter sky.
Lengthening shadows,
Dark closing in...

Then, through the stillness, carols begin!

Oh fallen world, to you is the song--
Death holds you fast and night tarries long.

Jesus is born, your curse to destroy!
Sweet to your ears, a carol of Joy!

Pale moon ascending, solemn and slow;
Cold barren hillside, shrouded in snow;
Deep, empty valley veiled by the night;
Hear angel music--hopeful and bright!

Oh fearful world, to you is the song--
Peace with your God, and pardon for wrong!
Tidings for sinners, burdened and bound--

A carol of joy!

A Saviour is found!

Earth wrapped in sorrow, lift up your eyes!
Thrill to the chorus filling the skies!
Look up sad hearted--witness God's love!
Join in the carol swelling above!

Oh friendless world, to you is the song!
All Heaven's joy to you may belong!
You who are lonely, laden, forlorn--
Oh fallen world!
Oh friendless world!

To you,

A Saviour is born!