I just thought I would share a summary plus excerpts from my journal about Abby's birth. She was born August 11, 2015.
The day before I had an appointment and was dilated 2 cm. I took Elena to the park because it was "only" 91 degrees. I got Mexican food with a friend. I packed a hospital bag and wrote down Elena's bedtime routine. I took Elena swimming. I had thoughts that "I can do this!" in thinking about doing it without an epidural. The thing that occurred to me is, my body knows what to do, I have to let it happen.
I started having mild contractions at 2 in the morning. I stayed in bed till about 6:00. We had breakfast, I went on a walk outside and talked on the phone to my mom and sisters. I knew I needed to stay busy and save my labor-coping techniques for later. My awesome friends took Elena on a play-date. They had planned this before and what good timing! Jeff went to work for part of the day and our dear friend Jane came to be with me.
I stayed calm and breathed through contractions, sometimes leaning forward on the exercise ball. In the afternoon I still felt so calm that I wasn't sure whether to go to the hospital, but the contractions were very consistent, so we went around 4 pm or so. In the car things were getting more intense so I started moaning when I felt a contraction starting. When I was admitted I was at a 4 1/2 or 5. The nurses let me do my thing. When I was having a contraction I was in the zone. But in between I would talk with Jeff. He was so proud of me.
I spent a lot of time leaning forward on the exercise ball. I asked the nurses if there was anything I should try besides moaning. The nurse explained that slow breathing is good for relaxation but fast rhythmic breathing is to distract yourself. That's when I started chanting vowels like "ah, ah, ah"
I tried standing for a while. I leaned on a cabinet. We had ocean waves sounds playing. This is when it was starting to get pretty hard. But I realized, the pain and discomfort is coming from the baby descending into my pelvis. But that is the goal! The only way out is down. So I tried really hard to embrace the pain - both mentally and physically by not resisting and closing my legs. This was difficult, and I didn't always succeed, but I believe it helped. I even managed to do some tiny squats during contractions a few times.
After doing that for a bit I was exhausted and went back to the ball. However the leaning over was starting to hurt my lower back. I thought it was time to try the bed. I lied on my side with my legs propped open. It was getting really painful. I was clinging to the side rail. It was harder to relax. I wanted to be checked and was hoping I had earned 8 cm by now, but was at a 7. I didn't know if I could do this. Jeff asked the nurses how long it might take, and they said it can be 1 cm per hour. Horrible answer. I couldn't do three more hours. But deep down I still didn't want an epidural. Vocalizing my doubts got me encouragement from Jeff and the nurses.
I got through another contraction or so and the nurses came back and asked if I thought things might have changed. I said yes, because I want to push. Moans turned to screams. It just felt so natural. There was a little chaos because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to push. They checked me again and I was 10 cm dilated. More screaming, some attempts at pushing, some attempts to stop. On one push my water broke, and I was happy to think this was really happening, and it was satisfying to have productive pushing.
They had me move to my back and scoot down which was super hard. But from this point on I knew it was almost over. There was a lot of pressure and a bit of that burning people talk about, but it didn't feel as raw as I thought - I must have had some good, natural pain killing chemicals going on. It all went fast after that. There was one point when the older nurse got my attention, made eye contact and reminded me to wait until the doctor said I could push, so I would tear badly. She told me the hollering was wasting my energy. I understood. I calmed down.
All I remember is really soon I was pushing and the nurse and Jeff could see her head, and soon I could feel her head pop out, and then the rest.
I did it! I couldn't believe it. I was so happy and relieved. Abby was purple but they said she was fine. I suddenly became aware there was a total thunder storm going on outside. So cool! I soon got to hold her skin to skin. She was smaller than Elena. Jeff told me I was much more alert and happy after this birth that with Elena when I had the epidural.
So that's it! I am excited that this time I will have a midwife in the hospital with me. I am seeing midwives at OSU's medical center and one of them will be there during my labor and birth. Also, in the hospital they have birthing stools, squat bard, and tubs. And I can deliver in whatever position I want. No more scooting down to the edge of the bed for the doctor!
Giving birth naturally is super empowering, and the more I read birth stories from Ina May's book the more I realize it is kind of the culmination of other things I'm learning about mindfulness. Looking forward to doing this again at the end of June!
