Tending to the Whole Soul

Mental Health for Latter-Day Saints

Have you ever felt distant from God despite your best efforts to live righteously? Have you ever felt darkness despite having the light of the gospel in your life? Have you ever felt sad and then quickly felt guilty because you know you are blessed with knowledge of God’s Plan of Happiness, and surely shouldn’t feel this way? Have you ever felt anxious and sought relief from gospel sources only to feel worse?

If you have, first of all, you are not alone. These feelings are very real, and can be confusing. And there are SO many people with these challenges. I have personally been through times of depression and have watched people close to me struggle with anxiety and other mental health issues. It can feel like one of the hardest mortal challenges because it attacks the very way we perceive life and the gospel – our mind.

Also, if not recognized or if misdiagnosed, mental health issues can have spiritual repercussions. An Ensign article from February 2016 expounded on depression and had this insight:

“Understanding that there are spiritual side effects from depression is important for Latter-day Saints dealing with their own depression or that of loved ones. Depression, in all forms, alters perception, making it difficult to feel peace, love, joy, or any of the fruits of the Spirit. It becomes easy to misinterpret sorrow as condemnation by God, thus causing spiritual struggles and sometimes inactivity in the Church. This may cause further distress for individuals and families facing this challenge. It is essential to understand that such a spiritual crisis is not a result of spiritual weakness or lack of faith. Rather, depressive feelings and the resulting depressed view of one’s spirituality are usually caused by a chemical imbalance. Because our physical bodies and our spirits are necessarily connected (see D&C 88:15), it can be common to feel the effects of a physical disorder in a spiritual way, especially in the case of depression, which alters our very perception of ourselves. Therefore, it is important to seek out the actual source of such feelings, especially when experiencing the often-distorting effects of depression.”

Today I want to make a case for acknowledging mental illness (or a bad week of out-of-balance mental health) for what it is, and thereby achieving greater wholeness and connection.

We must be careful not to diagnose ourselves with a spiritual shortcoming when our struggle is actually a physical problem. It could be a chemical imbalance, a lack of self-care, or many other causes.

As people of faith, we may default to addressing feelings of despair or anxiety by sending up a frantic prayer, or pouring over the scriptures to find relief.

While praying and reading scriptures daily are essential to staying close to the Spirit and putting God first in our lives, they may not be the solution for emotional problems. For example, when we are depressed or experiencing a panic attack, reading MORE scriptures will likely not improve the situation, because it is not a spiritual problem. So let us be wise.

The physical needs that we have are not less important than our spiritual needs. Nor are they less holy.

It has been said that we are spiritual beings having a mortal experience. Part of that mortality is having a body with emotions. These feelings are not bad, but are just part of being human, and, I believe, when properly managed, part of being a god. It is my belief that learning how to deal with our feelings in healthy ways is an important part of our refinement.

There is some natural tension between the body and the spirit. If left unchecked, the body’s appetites would encourage us to lead a hedonistic life without regard for the feelings of others or our own long-term well-being. So we definitely don’t want the body to rule the spirit.

My only problem with striving to always prioritize the spirit (our personal spirit) is that can misguide us to believe the body is the enemy. The truth is that our body is sacred.

The Lord has said,

“The spirit and the body are the soul of man.” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:15)

Tending to the needs of your body is not less important than the needs of your spirit. Your body is a temple. It is sacred.

Good sleep, regular exercise, and wise nutrition are all hugely important for our mental health and overall well-being. In my opinion these endeavors are just as vital to our eternal journey as is scripture study and prayer are. Mind – body – spirit wholeness is a noble pursuit.

For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy;

And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy.

Doctrine and Covenants 93:33-34

It is not a battle of the spirit conquering the body. They are to be completely connected and filled with light. Pursuing wholeness is the journey of a lifetime, and it is possible because of Jesus Christ.

This fabulous Ensign article from 1985 about the body put it really well:

“People who understand these truths understand that the “real” self, or soul, is both body and spirit. They may feel a oneness, an inner satisfaction, as both parts work together in righteousness…..they want to prepare, both in body and in spirit, to live with their Heavenly Father again.”

It is fundamental to our theology that this process of sanctification involves not only the spirit, but the body as well. As we give heed to the promptings of the Spirit and purify our lives, the Lord promises: “your whole bodies shall be filled with light, … and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things. (D&C 88:67)

Barbara Lockhart, Ensign February 1985

So if caring for our physical bodies is worth our best efforts, what are some things we can do to help with our mental health? I will share a few things that have been helpful for me and that seem important to me.

Physical

First, we have to take care of the basic physical needs.

Consistent, sufficient sleep is the BIGGEST asset to mental health.

If there is chronic, diagnosed mental illness, medication is very important! If you need permission from an apostle, here is Elder Holland:

If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation.

Get to a stable place and then you can work on the many other things that can boost emotional health.

Exercise is well-known to be hugely beneficial for both body and mind.

Wisely pursuing good nutrition has an impact on the state of the mind and spirit as well as the body.

All of these physical aspects of life, when pursued with moderation, are holy because your body is sacred and is connected with your spirit.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is all the rage right now, and I think that is because it is so needed. Mindfulness is being fully present in your body and with your feelings. This is ideally a way of being, but in today’s world, it requires practice.

We can practice mindfulness any time (while eating, in the shower, on a walk, on a break at work). But it can be beneficial to set up a regular meditation practice, such as by using an app that you can use in the morning or afternoon, before bed, or whenever works for you.

Most meditations begin by inviting you to focus on your breath. This is the best way to get you to bring your consciousness to the present moment, and into your body. Sometimes that is the entire practice. Other times there is some work on the way we think, which can also be very helpful.

Meditation is beneficial in the moment, but also has an impact on how we respond to stressful things that come up in our day. Over time, we can become less reactive, and more aware of what we are feeling, and more conscious and intentional about the way we think.

For me, being in nature is a way to connect my body and spirit

Yoga

Yoga is like a physical mindfulness practice. The more I do it the more I realize that it is not about getting into intense poses, or becoming super flexible. Yoga is about starting where you are. And yes, you do become more strong and flexible, and because yoga is all about the mind-body connection, your mind and spirit will also become more strong and flexible.

When I practice yoga it feels like a powerful act of self-love, and a way to reverence my body. This reverence makes me more peaceful and open to the Spirit.

Feeling our feelings

It is very important to allow both positive and negative emotions within ourselves, rather than burying them, or “buffering” with distractions and false pleasures. Remember that both positive and negative emotions are part of the mortal experience and key to God’s Plan. (2 Nephi 2:11, 24-25)

If you have been taught that certain feelings are wrong, it may take some work to change that belief inside yourself. Also, some feelings are just uncomfortable, and we naturally resist them. Learning to allow them takes practice.

Feeling our feelings allows us to actually solve our problems, rather than disconnecting and aggravating them. It is a more whole way of living. Like Adam and Eve, our eyes can be opened to the good and the evil, and to the “joy of our redemption.” (Moses 5:10-11)

Thought work

The thing that has helped me with a lot of these concepts is an arena of the self-help world called “Thought work.” I learned about this first from Jody Moore on her podcast Better Than Happy. She is a Latter-day Saint “life coach” who has a business helping anyone who wants help in this area and produces a free podcast episode weekly. She learned a lot of what she does from Brooke Castillo, founder of the Life Coach School, who also has a podcast you can listen to. I’m sure there are many other people teaching similar things, but these are the ones I have been exposed to and that have really helped me.

Because the truth is, there are many things we can’t control in life, but the one thing we can control is ourselves. And what we sometimes don’t realize is how everything we do stems from the way we think. We think so automatically sometimes though that we aren’t even aware of how hidden beliefs are affecting us. Listening to these podcasts and doing the work to become aware of my thoughts, and being open to different, more helpful thoughts, has been life-changing in my motherhood, other relationships, and my productivity. Think about how much time and energy you can save by not worrying about some of the things that occupy your mind that are completely out of your control. It is so freeing! And when you let go of the figurative junk in your mind, it clears space to actually do what you want to do and be who you want to be. This is intentional living.

The help of the Lord

Of course we can’t do any of this without the help of the Lord Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. Whether it’s the love of our Father which reminds of our worth and gives us a reason to even try in the first place, or the enabling power of Christ’s atonement when we are trying to do something beyond our capacity, He is the beginning and the end, the author and the finisher of our faith.

I am sure many of us have had times when we are in a dark place and we wish the Lord would just pull us out, but we are left there seemingly to struggle on our own.

He never abandons us. But I do think He must know there are lessons too precious to miss out on if he were to take away our burden right away. He also certainly can and does guide us to resources and influences that can help us learn these priceless lessons about peace and happiness. I know I have experienced that in my own life and the lives of loved ones.

Don’t give up on your faith. Keep praying. Pour out the desires of your heart to Him.

I would like to add however that in my experience, doing these other acts of self-care, such as taking even just a few minutes to meditate (sit and focus only on breathing), or doing a simple yoga practice, or going to bed early when I’m exhausted, help me to have more heartfelt prayers and meaningful gospel study. I feel that in order to truly connect with God, I must be connected with myself. In order to give my heart to Him, I need to take the time to be still and get clear on what is going on in my heart.

I hope anyone reading this who struggles with mental health will know that the Lord loves you, you are not alone, and that the things you are learning and going through will “work together for your good.” (Doctrine and Covenants 98:3). And that tending to the whole soul-- body, mind and spirit-- is a holy pursuit that will yield deeper connection to self, to God and to others. In other words, deeper joy.

Recommended Books

Let God Love You by Wendy Ulrich

Self-Compassion by Kristen 

My Testimony and Recent Lessons in Motherhood

Friends, acquaintances...whomever might be reading this. Can I just share some things that I know? Sometimes I use this blog to update family and friends about trips and happenings, but often it is just a place to share my thoughts. I am a thinker. I believe every trait comes with opportunities for strengths and weaknesses. So yes, sometimes I think too hard and it is a hinderance to happiness. But being a thinker is one of my core traits, and when I have the Lord on my side, weak things become strong and it's one thing I do best!

First some things I know. This Sunday in fast and testimony meeting I didn't bare my testimony, so maybe I'll do that know.

"All things denote there is a God"
Alma 30:44
Photo by Elisa Skidmore, Glacier National park

I know that we have a loving Heavenly Father. He hears our prayers! He has a plan for us. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior. Somehow he suffered and died to pay the price for our sins, so that we can become clean. Not only can we be become clean (justification) but we can grow! We can change, learn, become better, overcome weaknesses , and eventually even become perfect through Him (sanctification). This is God's plan for us. He values agency (the ability to choose) so much that he lets us make mistakes and suffer in this life so that we can learn for ourselves, how to choose the good.

I know that Jesus Christ has restored His church to the earth through a modern prophet, Joseph Smith. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the divinely inspired institution God has given us on earth to help us live the gospel of Jesus Christ. It contains the God's priesthood power, the saving ordinances, living prophets, and the opportunity to be refined by serving in His kingdom. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. When I read it I feel the Spirit telling me it is the word of God. It testifies of Christ and teaches how to come to Him.

Now for some thoughts.

I am so grateful that God gives us commandments. He has high standards for us! He wants us to become. The past few weeks I have really felt Him help me change. But I had to put in the effort. This recent video explains that concept really well.

The specific things I have been learning lately are within motherhood. Sometimes it's hard to be patient and optimistic, especially when you don't get very much sleep. My ability to be a happy, loving mom was going up and down so I was feeling bad about my weaknesses.

[For some background-- I didn't know much about babies before having one. I didn't really research sleep training or know what the options were other than some things I knew I didn't want to do. So for all of Elena's life (just over a year now) she has mostly fallen asleep nursing. This has worked pretty well for us. It is a sacrifice at times, but I am a full-time mom of only one...so I have time. Every time it's gotten hard I have searched my soul and usually learned something new (or got through that rough teething phase) and felt peace about continuing. Also, overall, as anyone who knows us will know, Elena is a very happy girl. She gets a lot of love and attention and is very bright and doing very well. But lately it is gradually started eating at me that my one-year old does not know, I repeat does. not. know. how to put herself to sleep. It is hard for me but also makes me feel bad she doesn't have that skill. As she gets bigger and bigger it becomes even more difficult when she's in a fighting mood because she is more capable of fighting ]

My precious baby girl

The past few weeks as I have strived to do God's will, prayed about my concerns, studied the scriptures and sought the companionship of the Holy Ghost in my life, I have felt two contrasting things happening at the same time:

1)
God has answered my prayers and helped me be more patient. Our wonderful lesson in Relief Society this Sunday helped with that as well. Over the past few weeks I have tried and sometimes stumbled, but I have learned that when opposition comes (i.e. lack of sleep, needy baby, long days), I can pray for and strive to have faith, hope and charity anyway. God has helped me choose to be more compassionate to my baby when I'm feeing tired. He has helped me in my efforts to not resent her for my lack of sleep. I have learned to trust God. That with His help I can do this. That He will never give me something I can't handle. That He really knows what's best for me.

2) 
At the same time I have been prompted by things I've read and thoughts I've had that I do need sleep and God knows that. I have felt peace about my initial ignorance of sleep training. For some time now I've known I will do things very differently with the next baby. But I have been at a total loss to know what to do with my 1 year old who doesn't know how to put herself to sleep.  But I have felt peace from God and support for my husband as we've begun trying some things in order to make a change. I am continuing to research. Something I learned a while back really serves me well here: Do your research, then be still and listen to your heart. These are delicate things. Every baby is different. No one blog or one person has the answer. Another thing I've realized (perhaps again) lately is that it's ok that I have no idea what I'm doing as a mother, as long as I am filled with love and living in the present. No use worrying about the past or the future.

Just an experience reminding me that God helps us to both accept our circumstances, and to change them. Mostly He helps us change inside, and that is a miracle.

Gratitude and Submitting to God's Will

“I’m grateful that my baby slept through the night.”

“I’m grateful the weather is nice today.”

These are some examples of things I have thanked God for in the past few months. It is sometimes easy to be thankful for the good things in my life. But is the ability to be grateful dependent on “good things” happening to us? In other words does it depend on our circumstances? The scriptures teach us that we are to be thankful in all things. That is harder to do when undesirable things happen to us. After praying for those things I have sometimes wondered…

If my baby slept horribly would I be grateful?

If the weather wasn’t nice would I be grateful?

In the article “The Choice to Be Grateful,” President Eyring says, “All of us would like to feel gratitude, yet it is not easy to be consistently grateful in all things in the trials of life.” He teaches that it is only through the power of the Holy Ghost that we can see the blessing amidst the trials. I believe this requires submitting to God’s will.

In Mosiah 3:19 we learn that we need to humble ourselves like a child and become “willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us].”

We are able to submit to God’s when we learn to trust Him. We must cultivate a belief that everything He does has a purpose and that He knows what is best for us.

The Book of Mormon teaches the valuable truth that The Lord “doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world.” (2 Nephi 26:24)

It is my feeling that when we are on God’s path we benefit form His wisdom and His  love, and therefore everything that happens to us is for our good. It is only when we stray and sin that things happen to us that are not for our good. God truly knows what is best for His children.

I learned a lot about submitting to God’s will in the first few weeks of my baby’s life. I was blessed with a beautiful healthy baby girl. It was really hard though because at first she had no idea that you were supposed to sleep at night and be awake during the day. Also breastfeeding was hard. She would often act hungry but then struggle and cry in protest when I would try to feed her. Sometimes feedings took two hours. I felt like I didn’t know how to meet her needs.  At night it took at least an hour to feed her and then another hour to get her to go to sleep. In those first few weeks she often didn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time at night. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting very much sleep. This was definitely an undesirable situation.

I realized early on that I don’t believe in praying for things that affect another person’s agency. It didn’t feel right to pray that my baby would sleep. [side note: This applies to marriage as well – you shouldn’t pray that your spouse will do or learn or become a certain thing. That’s not in your control] So what could I pray for?

I remember one night when she was just a couple weeks old I prayed that I would have:

• The strength to meet her needs
• Knowledge and understanding of how to meet her needs
• And patience if I didn’t have the strength or knowledge

That way it was in the Lord’s hands. He could teach me how to be a good mother, or if he saw fit he would let me flounder a bit and it would be ok for my baby and for me. I don’t remember exactly what happened that night, but I remember coming to embrace my role of feeding my baby. Also there was a shift in myself. I felt more concerned about meeting her needs than about getting to bed faster. I have written in my journal many times since having a baby something to the effect of, “as usual, submitting to God’s will ended up being better for me.”

In those early months I wrote about how I got better at knowing when the baby was full and therefore feedings were more successful. I began to be able to feed her and put her to sleep in only one hour, and she started sleeping for two hours at a time. I remember being so grateful for that! Also, frequently having to wake up and get up when you’d rather sleep, to take care of someone who needs you definitely teaches humility.

Learning to accept when things didn’t go well and appreciate when they did go well helped me feel peace instead of anxiety about the uncertainties of motherhood. I think during this time I became more submissive and learned to trust God.

I believe being grateful means believing that everything God does is for our good and therefore desiring and striving to see His hand in our lives – because we have faith that it’s there.

I haven't been doing the daily grateful thing on facebook this year. But here is my current Thanksgiving gratitude list.

I am grateful:

That I met Jeff and that we are married – because we are so right for each other

For the struggles we’ve had – because of how they have shaped both of us and the things I’ve learned

For my beautiful, darling, precious, healthy baby girl

For the wonderful blessing, opportunity, learning experience and eternal role of being a mother

That motherhood is so natural and that my instincts have served me well

For our financial security – as a young couple pursuing a doctorate degree I don’t take this for granted

For Avocado sushi rolls

For Pollo Loco – fresh, delicious, inexpensive fast food

To know that we’re in the right place – it’s been such a blessing to know that Jeff is in the right PhD program for him and that we are meant to be in Tempe, AZ during this phase of our lives

That the weather has cooled down in AZ

For Technology – I have always loved technology and I’m so grateful that with the internet and social media I can share my thoughts on my blogs, find recipes easily, connect with other people online, and read and share the word of God

That I am able to be a stay-at-home mom – I wouldn’t have it any other way for me and my family and I know it’s a blessing that I’m able to do this

For Music

For My family – what my parents taught me, all the good memories I have, and the relationships I have with my family today

That my sister Jenni is serving a mission – I am happy for all that she is going to learn and who she is going to become; I’m happy for the people she will bless – investigators, members, other missionaries, friends back home; that I get to learn from her experiences and our family is blessed by her service; to have a missionary in the family!

For the beauties of nature – I have always loved being outside and going on walks and hikes with those I love; there is peace in nature and it is easier to feel God’s presence

That I grew up in gorgeous western Washington – (even though it makes it hard to enjoy living in the dessert…) It’s neat how every part of the world and even the U.S. looks so different. I am also grateful I spent 6 years of my life in beautiful, mountainous four-seasoned Utah.

For zumba –it makes me so happy to dance and move my body

For the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ -- For the Book of Mormon testifying of Christ; for the true authority of God restored to the earth so we can have the ordinances of salvation; for the knowledge of God's Plan of Happiness; for Living Prophets on the earth again to guide is our lives

For My Relationship With God -- that I can always pray to Him; that He is patient with me as I slowly learn to trust Him and see His hand in my life

"More Holiness Give Me" Arranged by Ronald Staheli sung by BYU Choirs

Pre-made Salads and Life Lessons

Jeff wanted salads this week. I decided to make them all ahead of time instead of stressing the night before or the day of. (He makes his own lunches but he likes how I make salads)

Romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes and carrots

With red onion and sunflower seeds

After doing this I realized I should have made different variations. I have garbanzo beans, craisins and croutons I could have used as well. 

Anyway, bulk is always good for convenience and convenience is always good for promoting healthy behaviors. :)

I was on the ball today! The truth is I was inspired by General Conference as well as my sister who is on a mission. I've been trying to humble myself and have more meaningful prayers. Last night I prayed that I would be able to embrace whatever the night brings as far as feeding the baby. She has not been sleeping well so I was trying to embrace the possibility of another night like that. Well turns out this morning she slept until 6:00 am! And even after that feeding she went back to sleep for a few more hours. I decided to stay up instead of sleeping more. That helped me get a good start on my day -- I read the scriptures and had time to ponder and pray.

I learn this again and again -- The more I try to be a "good mom" (putting her needs first, giving her attention, helping her exercise her brain and body) the better things go for me! (I can put her down without her crying, she is happier, there is more time between feedings, feedings go better, and she sleeps longer for her nap and at night). What do you know! It's like how doing God's will, while it seems like a sacrifice, always is better in the end.

So anyway, I've been trying to turn more to the Lord in the details of my day and I had a great day! I got grocery shopping done before 10:00 am (I LOVE that feeling), made these salads, practiced singing, and had hours to work on my talk for church next week while the baby took a really long wonderful nap. I know God's blessings don't always manifest themselves in a smooth day...but today I was grateful they did!

God is good!

Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me.

D&C 19:23