tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28417714105275440362024-03-13T13:02:57.935-07:00Elisa's beautiful lifeLife is good...No, that's not true.
<i>God is good. Life is beautiful.</i>elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-91559773150432992692021-10-17T17:32:00.003-07:002021-10-17T18:23:57.912-07:00An October Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3UW_rhl3Gng/YWy88KWfSNI/AAAAAAABP84/71lJDyUjyBY3bU0USP7rS5QZroKcYDUeACLcBGAsYHQ/IMG_7649b.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="400" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3UW_rhl3Gng/YWy88KWfSNI/AAAAAAABP84/71lJDyUjyBY3bU0USP7rS5QZroKcYDUeACLcBGAsYHQ/w266-h400/IMG_7649b.jpeg" width="266" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; text-align: left;">Tonight, five of us lied on the trampoline looking up at the cloud-streaked, star-specked sky as our backyard campfire died down. I read How to Scare a Ghost, Where the Wild Thing Are, and Goodnight Moon. The oldest child read her A to Z Mystery book with a flashlight. I sang song after song while the three-year-old drifted off to sleep, snuggling with a barely awake Daddy.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bvjGmcCgdeA/YWyz0YqskAI/AAAAAAABP8s/Ri8ZY2Ming0u_wQQd62xt-oQFIBy_ssvgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_7635c.jpeg" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bvjGmcCgdeA/YWyz0YqskAI/AAAAAAABP8s/Ri8ZY2Ming0u_wQQd62xt-oQFIBy_ssvgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/IMG_7635c.jpeg" width="213" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; text-align: left;"></span></div></div>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;">Yes, it was as magical as it sounds. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;">I was singing songs that mean a lot to me. It was like connecting my childhood to that of my children. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;">Songs from BYU Choirs - my college days, when my faith was strong and pure in its young way.</p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"> </p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;">The sure provisions of my God</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;">Attend me all my days</p></blockquote>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Songs from my youth driving around in the family van, listening to Charlotte Church. Songs I sang at the piano.</p>
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<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A bit of earth</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">She wants a little bit of earth</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">She’ll plant some seeds</p></blockquote>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Songs from Barbara Streisand that cut all the way through to my soul because they ring so true. </p>
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<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The more I live, the more I learn</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The more I learn, the more I realize</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The less I know</p></blockquote>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Hymns. The simple Christian hymns like How Great Thou Art, that were always powerful, and will always be powerful. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">God is God. My understanding of Him changes and evolves as I evolve. But He is still God. Unlimited by my limitations. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I’m so grateful for the healing I’ve experienced this year. Yesterday I turned 33. I didn’t do anything grand. My day did include yoga, quiet time for my school-work, a beautiful Fall bouquet from Jeff, hand-written cards from the children, a scented candle from a sweet colleague of Jeff. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I love Fall. But deeper than my enjoyment of this season right now, is a return of peace for me, after a long time of wrestling. After a season of exploring the freedom and fluidity of the yin side of spirituality, I am remembering the grounded nature of the yang. The safety that structure provides. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--M8TR7Kwza4/YWyzk7RKBfI/AAAAAAABP8o/Q8Y5Kp7trFIRXCJxbT5TJ4ZcNa2dJjrfQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_7615b.jpeg" style="font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--M8TR7Kwza4/YWyzk7RKBfI/AAAAAAABP8o/Q8Y5Kp7trFIRXCJxbT5TJ4ZcNa2dJjrfQCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h300/IMG_7615b.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"></p></blockquote>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">At our stake conference last weekend I felt very blessed to hear the words of Elder Kinard, the visiting Area Seventy as he taught us from the scriptures, that the day will come when we will know that Christ is the only person who can save us. He will advocate for us, <i>if</i> we believe on his name. The ordinances and covenants are how we show him that we believe on his name. The ordinances and covenants are one of the beautiful things the church gives us. </p>
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<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">This week I shared on social media that I started taking an anti-depressant this year. I feel blessed that for some reason, sharing that type of thing doesn’t scare me at all. After I published the post I looked back and could see all the ways in which I could have phrased things better. Also, it is hard to sum up 9 or 10 years of life in one little post. So it’s not as simple as “I’ve been depressed for 9 years, I tried self-help but I was still depressed so I decided to try medication and it worked.” It has been a whole journey with different chapters that gave me different things. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">From my days in the trenches with two babies, to thriving with three, to searching with four. It was changing my thought patterns here, life circumstances changing there, practicing meditation for a while, feeling lost for a while, healing in my family, feeling numb, breakdown and growth in my marriage, wrestling with spiritual questions, followed by getting what I feel is revelation at my stake conference. Thank you to my mother for praying for me that week. I feel converted. I am different going forward from that weekend.</p>
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<p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Each mile I travel only means</p>
<p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The more I have to go</p>
<p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">What's wrong with wanting more?</p>
<p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">If you can fly, then soar</p>
<p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">With all there is, why settle for</p>
<p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Just a piece of sky?</p><p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px;">I still have more to learn. But these words from Brent Nielson in General Conference resonate with me:</span></p><p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px;"><br /></span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px;"><i>"I bear my witness of His desire to heal you."</i></span></p></blockquote><p style="color: #18191b; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kT7R-QCrhtg" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe>elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-74238944820574147212020-12-19T11:48:00.001-08:002020-12-19T11:55:08.423-08:00The Birth Story of James Alvin<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My friend arrived to watch our girls on Sunday afternoon, and as I passed her on my way out the door I said, “this is going to be the worst car ride of my life.” In the driveway I gripped the car door handle and uttered yet another prayer, “God please help me.” Jeff came out and I told him we might need to go to Doctor’s Hospital (10 minutes) instead of OSU (20-25 minutes). As he was about to pull out of our neighborhood going north I said, “we need to go to Doctor’s.” He swerved to the south and proceeded to speed down Broad street. Minutes later we were walking into the ER, me hanging onto Jeff with almost all my weight. Next I was being wheeled in a chair by two female security guards over to labor and delivery. When they realized how close I was they picked up the pace.</span></span></p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">This was quite the entrance to the birthplace of my fourth child. But what is also interesting is that up until less than an hour before this moment, I believed I was having a home birth.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I had been seeing two midwives for prenatal appointments for months. I had purchased their birth kit, and gathered supplies of my own such as towels and receiving blankets. The month before, we finally painted our sandy-colored bedroom and bathroom walls to be a beautiful neutral color, creating a nice space in which I could envision myself laboring, giving birth and recovering. I had hired a photographer and was so excited to capture these precious memories. I’ll admit I was also excited to share my story and my photos to let people know what is possible. I have loved reading natural birth stories, including home birth stories, for years and I wanted my story to be one of those that inspires others.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I was looking forward to having a water birth, something that always sounded so appealing to me. We had sanitized our own spacious tub for this purpose.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">My girls were excited to be present. My oldest loves hearing me talk about birth and seeing pictures and sometimes videos of births. I know from the many stories I’ve read and watched that children can do really well with the process of birth.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">So how did we get to this point of racing to the nearest hospital, just in time for me to deliver? Well, it fits right along with everything else in 2020, doesn’t it! So many things have been different than we expected.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I feel very blessed that for my birth, the matter of my own safety and that of my baby was actually <i>not </i>the concern that led to this sudden change of plans. There is a strange set of circumstances that went into play, and whenever that happens, I know that it was just simply meant to be. I may not know the reason, but I am completely at peace with the way my birth panned out. It was actually awesome and now that it’s over I love the story.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">So let me back up a bit. The week before, on Tuesday, I had seen a friend, as I often do. We made salt dough ornaments with the kids and had a lovely time. Talked a lot about birth in fact. As we often do. :) Well two days later she was sick, and on the third day her husband was confirmed to have COVID-19. My first reaction was of gratitude that I was not sick! I told this to my mom, who was planning to arrive Monday to help me. My mom has MS and was not willing to risk getting COVID. She would be delaying her flight until I got a negative test. This is when I realized that even though I believed I was not sick, in order to responsible I would need to not only get tested, but isolate and tell people that I had potentially been exposed.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">To add to the matter, Friday night I had contractions. Those didn’t go anywhere and I was able to sleep.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Saturday night I had contractions the entire night. I lied in bed and breathed through each one. I was being very mindful and thinking about the baby, who I could feel stirring sometimes right before a contraction. They didn’t pick up, but they just kept coming, such that I didn’t get any sleep. The contractions continued into the morning this time.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Here, my emotional climate is worth mentioning. I was clearly in early labor, but I was having a hard time accepting it because I was not at peace with my circumstances. This labor was earlier than I had anticipated - three days before the due date. My mom’s arrival was now uncertain, and not only that, but because of the circumstances I was worried about finding anyone who could watch the kids while I labored. Also, I needed to let the midwives know the situation and see what their policy was.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I called one of my midwives, and she said that because I didn’t have any symptoms they could still come. They would be wearing masks regardless. I texted a couple friends, explaining everything, to see if someone could come watch the kids.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">There was just one more thing leaving me unsettled. I didn’t feel confident about how to know when to call the midwives. Part of me knew that once I’m in active labor, things go quickly. But as it was, with contractions consistently about 10 minutes apart, it wasn’t time. And I guess I was in that place where I was in pain, but there seemed to be no end in sight.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Also, to be honest, and I shared this with several close friends and family members during my pregnancy — despite believing in natural birth and wanting to do a home birth, in some ways I had also been dreading it, for months. I knew that labor is hard and I was not excited about it. Well here I was, in labor, with children all around, and the events of the day and the week totally uncertain.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">My dear friend got a hold of an N95 mask and was ready to come as soon as we needed her. I just kept breathing through contractions, telling Jeff I wasn’t feeling brave enough to want them to get harder, but wanting to get it over with at the same time. The midwife thought maybe they were just warm ups - which I sort of knew better than that, but that thought was in my mind also making me miserable.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">It was Sunday. I went on a walk because that was sort of in my vague birth plan. Called my sister and told her about the stress. We did our little sacrament as a family. Jeff gave me a priesthood blessing. Eventually we decided to watch Book of Mormon videos on our TV downstairs. At this point I tried the hot rice bag Jeff made for me 8 years ago for my labor with Elena. That felt good. I tried to get comfortable watching the videos but it wasn’t going very well. At one point I turned from being on my right side to being on my left.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">There was a little pop and I was wet. My water broke! That had never happened to me in early labor before.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Well this was exciting though intense news. This was really happening. I texted the midwife, expecting her to say they would come right away. I knew things would be picking up here.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Well a few minutes later the other midwife called and informed me that according to their policy they actually could NOT attend my birth with my COVID status unknown.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">So that was kind of big news, and yet I didn’t feel shocked or distraught. At this point, I honestly felt relieved. I knew I just needed to get to the hospital and then I would have my baby. I was even thinking I would like an epidural. I was tired of being in pain and feeling fear.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I texted my friend to come. Jeff and I started packing in between contractions. Things were getting more intense, and I was having a harder time coping with the pain. Also the girls were dealing with the shock of suddenly finding out they would not be able to see the birth. In addition, their parents are leaving for at least one night. There were some tears. We showed them love. I knew it would be hard for them, but that they would also grow from this experience.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">These last few minutes before leaving I was definitely praying for help. No eloquent words, just “God, please help me.”</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">God does hear these prayers of course. And I think I received his help in the form of clarity. It began to dawn on me that the reason I was in so much pain was because I was close to being ready to push. This honestly gave me so much hope. There is a purpose to this pain! And it also gave me the clarity that this car ride I was dreading needed to be as short as possible, and that going to a different hospital than we would normally go to was important and necessary. So as we sped down the road, while I was bracing the inside of the car at the pain, I was starting to feel more peace.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I return now to the picture of me being wheeled down the hall by the security guards. One asked if I could tell her when I was having a contraction. I was moaning and closing my eyes. “I’m pushing.” I really was bearing down. I knew it was so close. They started running. We arrived in a small empty room, with nothing but a bed/table. I said “clothes...” They cheerfully responded “oh don’t you worry,” and something about who was coming to help. Well I stood up, tore off the robe I was wearing. Pulled down my pants and got on that table on my hands and knees. I was about to push out a baby.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">People were arriving. Someone helped me turn over, which was fine, but then they did the typical attempt to get me on my back (I’m so tired of that) “WHY?” I demanded. I said I’ve delivered two babies on my side (upon reflection I realized that was not accurate - only one - but I know I wanted to twice). They relented, saying “alright, we’ll just have to have someone hold your leg.” That’s right, you will. Amazing the conversations we have to have sometimes when we’re about to push out a human.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">So I was pushing! It took maybe 5 minutes. I wrote in my journal that I felt the familiar raw, dry, stretching sensation, but I was less afraid of it. I was totally committed and knew it was almost over. Jeff showed up from parking the car just in time. The head came partially out, and they let me know I needed one more push. Then a few more pushes and that body was out.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Oh! Cries of joy - I did it! I was SO relieved it was over. I got to hold his slimy body on my belly as I just basked in the relief. Yes!!!!</span></span><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JVPBOl2A6IM/X95PsVIGrKI/AAAAAAABAFw/0nWeNSNHHB0sNhe_9h81aD1qEyxdxOjHQCPcBGAsYHg/s3264/IMG_4978.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JVPBOl2A6IM/X95PsVIGrKI/AAAAAAABAFw/0nWeNSNHHB0sNhe_9h81aD1qEyxdxOjHQCPcBGAsYHg/s320/IMG_4978.JPG" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our beautiful James is here! <br />He was 9.0 lbs<br />Of all the things I tried to visualize, I at least got this right<br />I was hoping for a 9 lb baby (and not much bigger)</td></tr></tbody></table><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e7BifFVW0YQ/X95PsaUUxAI/AAAAAAABAFw/XeJ08zSx3pASZKpL6RfDDlLu23avYhNFACPcBGAsYHg/s3264/IMG_4972.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e7BifFVW0YQ/X95PsaUUxAI/AAAAAAABAFw/XeJ08zSx3pASZKpL6RfDDlLu23avYhNFACPcBGAsYHg/s320/IMG_4972.JPG" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our handsome boy<br />Of course, I have no pictures of the birth -- this is hours later</td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5lXvdTQpYvc/X95PsekdsUI/AAAAAAABAFw/hXHJ-qmKJiQCHC_T5bO3rB6tTreeidcYgCPcBGAsYHg/s3264/IMG_4977.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5lXvdTQpYvc/X95PsekdsUI/AAAAAAABAFw/hXHJ-qmKJiQCHC_T5bO3rB6tTreeidcYgCPcBGAsYHg/w150-h200/IMG_4977.JPG" width="150" /></a></div><div><br /><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I will say that the hours post partum, I was mourning the loss of my home birth a little bit. I had heard amazing things about the post partum period, resting on your own bed, no one poking and prodding you. As it was, I was wheeled to another room before my placenta even came out. After it was delivered, a student proceeded to sew me up (first degree tear) with the OB watching over and correcting her. I was being asked a barrage of questions, having my blood pressure checked, and being invited to try breastfeeding whilst the cuff was tightening around my arm. It was a little frustrating and kind of amusing, but I knew it was just the nature of having not only a hospital birth, but one in a hospital where they have no information about you.</span></span></div><div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">That first night, I communicated with my nurse that I wanted to sleep, and she kindly minimized the number of people coming in and said I could call her for my vitals when I was up feeding the baby anyway. So that was very nice.</span></div></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0kmXMDV3Seg/X95Psd6FWCI/AAAAAAABAFw/WbfqHc7Q7Io2llNDQIUX2rccUw8P6sbOwCPcBGAsYHg/s3264/IMG_4975.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0kmXMDV3Seg/X95Psd6FWCI/AAAAAAABAFw/WbfqHc7Q7Io2llNDQIUX2rccUw8P6sbOwCPcBGAsYHg/s320/IMG_4975.JPG" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The relief after an unmedicated birth is so big<br />And my recovery this time has been amazing!</td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">This <a href="https://milkmaidgoods.com/collections/robes" target="_blank">robe </a>was one choice that helped my hospital experience be a little more pleasant! So much easier to nurse in than those gowns with the confounded snaps! Also it's soft and I feel beautiful in it. Highly recommend!</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QrJRSWaBZcM/X95Psd-RJMI/AAAAAAABAFw/SMs7pGJmvNU6VCXCiRiHyU1WTcS6KHF3wCPcBGAsYHg/s1280/IMG_4974.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QrJRSWaBZcM/X95Psd-RJMI/AAAAAAABAFw/SMs7pGJmvNU6VCXCiRiHyU1WTcS6KHF3wCPcBGAsYHg/s320/IMG_4974.JPG" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I feel so blessed and at peace. <span style="color: #222222;">I am so grateful that I had a smooth delivery and that I have a healthy baby. It was quite the day, but once I gave birth I just felt so grateful for the crazy journey, and that God had helped me through it. Also, despite not having the home birth I was envisioning, I did feel very empowered and in control as I entered the hospital. I knew exactly what my body was doing and I was in charge. So in that sense, I had the beautiful birth I was hoping for. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-02ITKyfR_1w/X95aQx1xj3I/AAAAAAABAHM/714WVzslGXssXNjXlCA4JnYcrHPPcxpkgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1920/robe03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1920" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-02ITKyfR_1w/X95aQx1xj3I/AAAAAAABAHM/714WVzslGXssXNjXlCA4JnYcrHPPcxpkgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/robe03.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M4vlaoFZYXI/X95aWK4rvtI/AAAAAAABAHQ/QW3dFcfS8Ao2xj8ZBzOmsChYnHorYf1owCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/hat03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M4vlaoFZYXI/X95aWK4rvtI/AAAAAAABAHQ/QW3dFcfS8Ao2xj8ZBzOmsChYnHorYf1owCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/hat03.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aWBpfuDQMp4/X95abljGFfI/AAAAAAABAHU/RKKGlL6w51Y7qO2ZKVrbxEjLWrvaqybUQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1920/Robe01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1920" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aWBpfuDQMp4/X95abljGFfI/AAAAAAABAHU/RKKGlL6w51Y7qO2ZKVrbxEjLWrvaqybUQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Robe01.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div></div></div>elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-82777034075621771002020-09-14T05:46:00.003-07:002020-09-14T05:46:25.952-07:00How I #HearHim<p>Jeff and I watched the face to face last night and Elder Rasband asked people to share how they hear Him. I love that he pointed out that we all hear Him in different ways. I know that is true, and not only that, but my way of hearing Him has evolved during different seasons of my life. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NIOjTJpHdNY/X19hIR6va9I/AAAAAAAA7i4/X4Ffvfz8Fvk7R9IC9eOefjUgRT4Yu1KWgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Prego.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NIOjTJpHdNY/X19hIR6va9I/AAAAAAAA7i4/X4Ffvfz8Fvk7R9IC9eOefjUgRT4Yu1KWgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Prego.jpg" /></a></div><p>Lately, being pregnant with my fourth, I have experienced and embraced having less energy than I would if I were not pregnant. Where before I was waking up early and exercising regularly, now I do not wake up early and I don't really exercise besides walking and stretching. This change did get me down first trimester, but now I have accepted it and feel at peace. That said, my scripture study has not been amazing lately -- meaning not very much time and not very many big insights.</p><p>However, I have definitely felt guided and felt a lot of peace. So in that sense I would say I am feeling close to the Spirit. I DO do scripture study -- some kind of reading of scripture or a conference talk -- each day, because I have a testimony and I want to keep it that way. I know it will keep me grounded in truth and help me not be deceived. But scripture study isn't currently the main way the Spirit is speaking to me.</p><p>So how do I hear Him? There are a variety of ways. One way I experience the Holy Ghost that I have felt throughout my life, is to feel the Spirit washing over my body like a wind, that gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes. This can easily happen when listening to powerful music, or can sometimes happen when listening to a speaker and you know that what they're saying is true, and that it is from God.</p><p>I want to share that I can also tap into this feeling while meditating and praying. While praying, I feel the Spirit most powerfully when I am the most reverent. When I express awe and praise towards God. When I express gratitude. </p><p>Meditation and prayer are closely related. Partly because I am into meditation, and partly because kneeling while pregnant doesn't feel very good, I often end up seated cross-legged in my closet, opening my heart to God in that position. It feels naturally reverent towards God and also helps me feel like a sacred being. Sitting tall but relaxed with hands open and heart lifted just invites the Spirit to touch my spirit! Sometimes I just breathe, other times I imagine my Heavenly Parents, and just know that I am a daughter of God. It's a powerfully basic truth to tap into, and I love that I can do that simply with the power of my mind and being still. If anyone would like to learn more about meditating, please ask, I would love to share!</p><p>The other way the Spirit works with me is in guiding my mind with regard to decisions. For me, at every major decision point in my life, God has NOT told me what to do -- Which college to attend, which major to choose, whether to marry my husband or not, when to have babies. While I have prayed about all of these things, with each one, it was my choice. Now this does not mean God doesn't care or was not involved. On the contrary, I know He has guided me, and helped me make good decisions when I have asked. </p><p>The most recent example of this was in deciding what to do for school for my children with the current circumstances. I had been stressed about this during the summer, and honestly not wanted to even think about it. I didn't like any of my options! So I decided I needed revelation. On a Tuesday evening, I decided I would go on a walk by myself the next morning. Even though I wasn't feeling very spiritual, I sang hymns as an offering of faith, and to invite the Spirit to be with me. I prayed for help in making this decision. In the morning, I went on a walk on a lovely trail near our neighborhood. On this walk, I actually didn't think about school at all. I was praying the entire time, but about my spirituality and discipleship. I listened to the talk The Beauty of Holiness, by Carol McConkie. I think I needed this time to <b>come to a place of peace</b>. Also, by the end of the walk, I decided I wanted to do a walk like this (in nature, just me) every week. And I realized, that whether I did distance learning or homeschool, <b>self-care</b> needed to be in place, and I would make that a priority.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t_iI-rIACb4/X19iKKXOnBI/AAAAAAAA7jE/lsnpckbz1v0lGLah-LcMhFMACqoTkTKWACPcBGAsYHg/s3616/307E4C23-5F0A-4720-94E8-3FA8DEAA1595.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3616" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t_iI-rIACb4/X19iKKXOnBI/AAAAAAAA7jE/lsnpckbz1v0lGLah-LcMhFMACqoTkTKWACPcBGAsYHg/s320/307E4C23-5F0A-4720-94E8-3FA8DEAA1595.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p>That gave me the peace I needed to make a decision that would take courage. Talking with Jeff and with my parents about my concerns for the various options helped me sort through my thoughts. So from that place of peace, I was able to clearly see what I wanted, and also what fears were coming up. I was able to make a choice that I felt good about. </p><p>As I shared on social media, I chose to do home school. While there were definitely reasons I thought I could never do homeschool, I feel that years of practicing mindfulness and doing thought work helped me to see past those reasons, and have confidence that I was making a decision I could stand by. So I would say the Spirit guided me in making this decision, but that the ways I have worked on my mind have allowed me to be receptive to this guidance. I felt peace from the beginning and haven't looked back!</p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Earlier this year Pres. Nelson said, <span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;">“Do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation."</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626;"><span style="font-family: times;">I would submit that some of that "spiritual work" he mentioned a few years ago could be learning about and improving mental health. This is a worthy cause that has spiritual benefits! Improving the health of our minds is like sharpening the instrument through which we receive revelation. "The spirit and the body is the soul of man" and I love taking care of both!</span></span></p>elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-91764421040868855302019-09-30T18:16:00.000-07:002019-09-30T18:22:17.381-07:00For Richer<br />
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As my google maps took me to an older part of Columbus, I
wasn’t really surprised. These resources tend to be located in poorer parts of
town. But what does that even mean anyway? I have lived in the poor part of town
most of my married life, and I am very rich. It’s all relative. There is
income, and there is social capital. There is financial poverty, and there is
spiritual poverty. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On this sunny Fall day, the old brick houses spaced tightly
together along this street looked rather charming, though I’m sure many of them
are rentals, and I saw an occasional boarded up unit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I parked in the lot across from the food pantry. This was my
third visit to a food pantry this month, but the first time on my own. I felt
comfortable at this point – happy and grateful. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The first time I drove to a food pantry and saw the line of
people outside of what I later found out was the “free store” for clothes and
things, I didn’t think I could bring myself to go in. My friend was on her way
to meet me (I think she had a hunch I could use support). I called her and knew
I could be vulnerable with her.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I can’t go in there, Caitlin.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Empathetic but positive as ever (thank God for good friends!)
she told me she understood, and that she felt some resistance when she first
went. She asked me,<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What are you feeling? Undeserving? Prideful?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Pride, I guessed. Being honest, I said, “I don’t feel like I
belong here.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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She assured me she would go in with me. She described how she focuses
on how we are all children of God. I love having a friend who testifies in everyday
conversation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Well we went in, and it was fine of course. I got some free
produce. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I have since decided that because things are so tight with a
mortgage and a post-doc salary, I might as well go to a food pantry once a week
to stretch our money that much farther. After all, we completely qualify based
on our income and family size. And I’m not taking from anyone else. The food is
there for us to use!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Today as I approached this pantry I’d never been to before,
I was greeted and helped by friendly staff--female and male, white and black, old and young. I
was given a cart and plenty of bags to fill with as much produce as I could
use. There was fresh corn and lettuce, there were potatoes, pears, peaches, tomatoes,
watermelon as well as bread and milk. As I filled my bags, meal ideas came to
mind – corn chowder, home made tomato soup, peach cobbler. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The word that kept coming into my mind was <b>abundance</b>.
This was such an <i>abundance</i> of beautiful food, available to anyone who
needs it! It would allow me to create wonderful meals for my family.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I hear about abundance from life coaches like Jody Moore and
Brooke Castillo. They teach that there is plenty of money. That money is easy.
I’ve pondered how this relates to a family who does not own their own business,
and for a man who has been guided to academia, where there are politics to navigate.
My husband is working really hard (and smart, I would add). It will pay off with a faculty position
eventually, but in the mean time, well, here I am going to food pantries to save
a few bucks to maybe spend on decorative pumpkins or something. It doesn’t seem
like our positive thinking is translating into more $$$$.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But today I had a different perspective. When you think abundantly,
you open your mind to different possibilities. This is why we chose to invest
in a house instead of continuing to rent. This is why I felt prompted to open a
piano studio in our home and utilize my new neighborhood to find students. This
is why Jeff works later on Monday nights, teaching at the community college. And
this is why I have become humble enough to go to food pantries. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WXZd4HFeYbE/XZKovfcX-5I/AAAAAAAAqT8/sTAWjus9M1YxKnGPM-bwE0k57o7J2I-mgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/9A4FF6A3-E2F5-4DFD-ACBB-961C8BFC45C8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1476" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WXZd4HFeYbE/XZKovfcX-5I/AAAAAAAAqT8/sTAWjus9M1YxKnGPM-bwE0k57o7J2I-mgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/9A4FF6A3-E2F5-4DFD-ACBB-961C8BFC45C8.jpg" width="312" /></a></div>
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There IS plenty of money. As we have leaned into our
situation with open communication instead of stressing and worrying about it,
we have gotten to know our finances better, and become more intentional than
ever with what we do with our money.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Abundance is a mindset. Our income might not be multiplying
yet, but we are being inspired to do more with what we have. Creativity is
fueling my meal planning, home decor, and family activities. And with morning
and night backyard play, music lessons and casual singing, storybooks, and lots
of giggles, we have a truly rich life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-41556310008229088652019-05-13T17:51:00.001-07:002019-05-13T17:52:48.986-07:00Tending to the Whole Soul<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Mental
Health for Latter-Day Saints</span></div>
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Have you ever felt distant from God despite your best
efforts to live righteously? Have you ever felt darkness despite having the
light of the gospel in your life? Have you ever felt sad and then quickly felt
guilty because you know you are blessed with knowledge of God’s Plan of
Happiness, and surely shouldn’t feel this way? Have you ever felt anxious and
sought relief from gospel sources only to feel worse?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have, first of all, you are not alone. These feelings
are very real, and can be confusing. And there are SO many people with these challenges.
I have personally been through times of depression and have watched people close
to me struggle with anxiety and other mental health issues. It can feel like
one of the hardest mortal challenges because it attacks the very way we perceive
life and the gospel – our mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, if not recognized or if misdiagnosed, mental health
issues can have spiritual repercussions. An Ensign article from February 2016 expounded
on depression and had this insight:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Understanding that there are spiritual side effects from
depression is important for Latter-day Saints dealing with their own depression
or that of loved ones. Depression, in all forms, alters perception, making it
difficult to feel peace, love, joy, or any of the fruits of the Spirit. It
becomes easy to misinterpret sorrow as condemnation by God, thus causing
spiritual struggles and sometimes inactivity in the Church. This may cause
further distress for individuals and families facing this challenge. It is
essential to understand that such a spiritual crisis is not a result of
spiritual weakness or lack of faith. Rather, depressive feelings and the
resulting depressed view of one’s spirituality are usually caused by a chemical
imbalance. Because our physical bodies and our spirits are necessarily
connected (see D&C 88:15), it can be common to feel the effects of a
physical disorder in a spiritual way, especially in the case of depression,
which alters our very perception of ourselves. Therefore, it is important to
seek out the actual source of such feelings, especially when experiencing the
often-distorting effects of depression.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I want to make a case for acknowledging mental illness
(or a bad week of out-of-balance mental health) for what it is, and thereby
achieving greater wholeness and connection.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We must be careful not to diagnose ourselves with a
spiritual shortcoming when our struggle is actually a physical problem. It could
be a chemical imbalance, a lack of self-care, or many other causes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As people of faith, we may default to addressing feelings of
despair or anxiety by sending up a frantic prayer, or pouring over the
scriptures to find relief. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While praying and reading scriptures daily are essential to
staying close to the Spirit and putting God first in our lives, they may not be
the solution for emotional problems. For example, when we are depressed or
experiencing a panic attack, reading MORE scriptures will likely not improve
the situation, <b>because it is not a spiritual problem</b>. So let us be wise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The physical needs that we have are not less important than
our spiritual needs. Nor are they less holy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It has been said that we are spiritual beings having a
mortal experience. Part of that mortality is having a body with emotions. These
feelings are not bad, but are just part of being human, and, I believe, when
properly managed, part of being a god. It is my belief that learning how to deal
with our feelings in healthy ways is an important part of our refinement.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is some natural tension between the body and the
spirit. If left unchecked, the body’s appetites would encourage us to lead a
hedonistic life without regard for the feelings of others or our own long-term
well-being. So we definitely don’t want the body to rule the spirit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My only problem with striving to always prioritize the
spirit (our personal spirit) is that can misguide us to believe the body is the
enemy. The truth is that our body is sacred. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Lord has said,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The spirit <i>and</i> the body are the soul of man.”
(Doctrine and Covenants 88:15)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tending to the needs of your body is not less important than
the needs of your spirit. Your body is a temple. It is sacred. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good sleep, regular exercise, and wise nutrition are all
hugely important for our mental health and overall well-being. In my opinion
these endeavors are <i>just</i> as vital to our eternal journey as is scripture
study and prayer are. Mind – body – spirit wholeness is a noble pursuit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
For man is spirit. The
elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably
connected, receive a fulness of joy;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
And when separated, man cannot
receive a fulness of joy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; text-align: right;">
Doctrine
and Covenants 93:33-34<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is not a battle of the spirit conquering the body. They
are to be completely connected and filled with light. Pursuing wholeness is the
journey of a lifetime, and it is possible because of Jesus Christ.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This fabulous <a href="https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1985/02/the-body-a-burden-or-a-blessing?lang=eng" target="_blank">Ensign article</a> from 1985 about the body put it
really well:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“People who understand these truths understand that the
“real” self, or soul, is both body and spirit. They may feel a oneness, an
inner satisfaction, as both parts work together in righteousness…..they want to
prepare, both in body and in spirit, to live with their Heavenly Father again.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is fundamental to our theology that this process of
sanctification involves not only the spirit, but the body as well. As we give
heed to the promptings of the Spirit and purify our lives, the Lord promises:
“your whole bodies shall be filled with light, … and that body which is filled
with light comprehendeth all things. (<a href="https://www.lds.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/88.67-68?#66">D&C
88:67</a>)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Barbara Lockhart, Ensign February 1985<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So if caring for our physical bodies is worth our best
efforts, what are some things we can do to help with our mental health? I will
share a few things that have been helpful for me and that seem important to me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Physical</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, we have to take care of the basic physical needs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Consistent, sufficient <b>sleep</b> is the BIGGEST asset to
mental health. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If there is chronic, diagnosed mental illness, <b>medication</b>
is very important! If you need permission from an apostle, here is Elder
Holland:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
If you had appendicitis, God would
expect you to seek a priesthood blessing <i>and</i> get the best
medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven
expects us to use <i>all</i> of the marvelous gifts He has provided
in this glorious dispensation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Get to a stable place and then you can work on the many
other things that can boost emotional health.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Exercise</b> is well-known to be hugely beneficial for
both body and mind. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wisely pursuing good <b>nutrition</b> has an impact on the state
of the mind and spirit as well as the body.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of these physical aspects of life, when pursued with
moderation, are holy because your body is sacred and is connected with your
spirit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Mindfulness</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mindfulness is all the rage right now, and I think that is because
it is so needed. Mindfulness is being fully present in your body and with your
feelings. This is ideally a way of being, but in today’s world, it requires
practice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We can practice mindfulness any time (while eating, in the shower,
on a walk, on a break at work). But it can be beneficial to set up a regular meditation
practice, such as by using an app that you can use in the morning or afternoon,
before bed, or whenever works for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most meditations begin by inviting you to focus on your
breath. This is the best way to get you to bring your consciousness to the
present moment, and into your body. Sometimes that is the entire practice.
Other times there is some work on the way we think, which can also be very helpful.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meditation is beneficial in the moment, but also has an
impact on how we respond to stressful things that come up in our day. Over
time, we can become less reactive, and more aware of what we are feeling, and
more conscious and intentional about the way we think.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Vn8q9egpz68/XNoQz_PcZ7I/AAAAAAAAiOg/_e9OqxEUHJ4HbuB6Ml9wJI64_PoSuKXsgCLcBGAs/s1600/clouds-mountains-lake-alaska-1029871-tablet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="681" data-original-width="1024" height="212" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Vn8q9egpz68/XNoQz_PcZ7I/AAAAAAAAiOg/_e9OqxEUHJ4HbuB6Ml9wJI64_PoSuKXsgCLcBGAs/s320/clouds-mountains-lake-alaska-1029871-tablet.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For me, being in nature is a way to connect my body and spirit</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Yoga<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yoga is like a physical mindfulness practice. The more I do
it the more I realize that it is not about getting into intense poses, or becoming
super flexible. Yoga is about starting where you are. And yes, you do become
more strong and flexible, and because yoga is all about the mind-body
connection, your mind and spirit will also become more strong and flexible.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I practice yoga it feels like a powerful act of
self-love, and a way to reverence my body. This reverence makes me more
peaceful and open to the Spirit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Feeling our feelings</b> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is very important to allow both positive and negative
emotions within ourselves, rather than burying them, or “buffering” with
distractions and false pleasures. Remember that both positive and negative
emotions are part of the mortal experience and key to God’s Plan. (2 Nephi
2:11, 24-25)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have been taught that certain feelings are wrong, it may
take some work to change that belief inside yourself. Also, some feelings are
just uncomfortable, and we naturally resist them. Learning to allow them takes
practice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feeling our feelings allows us to actually solve our
problems, rather than disconnecting and aggravating them. It is a more whole
way of living. Like Adam and Eve, our eyes can be opened to the good and the evil,
and to the “joy of our redemption.” (Moses 5:10-11)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Thought work</b> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thing that has helped me with a lot of these concepts is
an arena of the self-help world called “Thought work.” I learned about this
first from Jody Moore on her podcast Better Than Happy. She is a Latter-day
Saint “life coach” who has a business helping anyone who wants help in this
area and produces a free podcast episode weekly. She learned a lot of what she does
from Brooke Castillo, founder of the Life Coach School, who also has a podcast
you can listen to. I’m sure there are many other people teaching similar
things, but these are the ones I have been exposed to and that have really helped
me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because the truth is, there are many things we can’t control
in life, but the one thing we can control is ourselves. And what we sometimes don’t
realize is how everything we do stems from the way we think. We think so automatically
sometimes though that we aren’t even aware of how hidden beliefs are affecting
us. Listening to these podcasts and doing the work to become aware of my
thoughts, and being <i>open</i> to different<i>,</i> more helpful thoughts, has
been life-changing in my motherhood, other relationships, and my productivity. Think
about how much time and energy you can save by not worrying about some of the
things that occupy your mind that are completely out of your control. It is so
freeing! And when you let go of the figurative <i>junk</i> in your mind, it
clears space to actually do what you want to do and be who you want to be. This
is intentional living.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The help of the Lord<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course we can’t do any of this without the help of the
Lord Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. Whether it’s the love of our Father
which reminds of our worth and gives us a reason to even try in the first
place, or the enabling power of Christ’s atonement when we are trying to do
something beyond our capacity, He is the beginning and the end, the author and
the finisher of our faith.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sure many of us have had times when we are in a dark
place and we wish the Lord would just pull us out, but we are left there
seemingly to struggle on our own. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He never abandons us. But I do think He must know there are
lessons too precious to miss out on if he were to take away our burden right
away. He also certainly can and does guide us to resources and influences that can help us learn these priceless lessons about peace and happiness. I know I have experienced that in my own life and the lives of loved ones.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t give up on your faith. Keep praying. Pour out the
desires of your heart to Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would like to add however that in my experience, doing
these other acts of self-care, such as taking even just a few minutes to meditate
(sit and focus only on breathing), or doing a simple yoga practice, or going to
bed early when I’m exhausted, <i>help me to have more heartfelt prayers and
meaningful gospel study</i>. I feel that in order to truly connect with God, I
must be connected with myself. In order to give my heart to Him, I need to take
the time to be still and get clear on what is going on in my heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope anyone reading this who struggles with mental health
will know that the Lord loves you, you are not alone, and that the things you
are learning and going through will “work together for your good.” (Doctrine and
Covenants 98:3). And that tending to the whole soul-- body, mind and spirit-- is
a holy pursuit that will yield deeper connection to self, to God and to others. In other words, deeper joy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>Recommended Books<o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let God Love You by Wendy Ulrich<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Compassion by Kristen <o:p></o:p></div>
elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-63830807240368771152018-06-24T15:22:00.001-07:002018-06-24T15:22:48.308-07:00Sophia's Birth Story<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">The week of the birth I was busy trying to get things done, while also taking the girls to do fun things, and battling the strange joint pain and inflammation that would come every afternoon or evening and make it hard to do anything. I was a little bit stressed, and sometimes a grumpy mom. Not as peaceful a birth week as I had hoped! But things worked out. I had some lovely outings with friends, Jeff helped with cleaning, and I finally finished the freezer meals the night before. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tKXCsH9KDG8/WyxInvXE5JI/AAAAAAAATK8/Zlje3-2Ey8gdd9GtMMBxv7lpJkVY6XCmwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_9720.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tKXCsH9KDG8/WyxInvXE5JI/AAAAAAAATK8/Zlje3-2Ey8gdd9GtMMBxv7lpJkVY6XCmwCLcBGAs/s200/IMG_9720.jpeg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Getting these girls to help is no small task, but holding a movie over their head helped</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Du7UjFw4VZU/WyxInh5K56I/AAAAAAAATLA/jMbV7g0GjagFC9s-5syNQb78EhO7SfZ2gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_9730.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Du7UjFw4VZU/WyxInh5K56I/AAAAAAAATLA/jMbV7g0GjagFC9s-5syNQb78EhO7SfZ2gCLcBGAs/s200/IMG_9730.jpeg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Made lasagna for the first time! One for that night, one for the freezer</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">We were blessed to have some wonderful friends watch the girls the day of the birth, and they even let us bring them the night before my induction, saving us a lot of hassle in the morning. Thank you to the Hoyts!</span><div>
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sdLePPbd2yI/WyxI3woYY0I/AAAAAAAATLQ/ESI3LieP054NJXk5HFQNXYdCeVNYIw_9gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_9734.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sdLePPbd2yI/WyxI3woYY0I/AAAAAAAATLQ/ESI3LieP054NJXk5HFQNXYdCeVNYIw_9gCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_9734.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">These cuties all ready to go to the Hoyt's house for the night. My heart!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
As I wrote in my<a href="http://elisakatherine.blogspot.com/2018/05/cholestasis-and-thoughts-on-natural.html" target="_blank"> previous post</a>, I was being induced at 38 weeks and 4 days due to my mild case of cholestasis of pregnancy. I did not want to be induced, but felt good about following this recommendation and a lot of peace about the day of June 15. I delivered OSU Wexner Medical Center, and have only good things to say about the hospital, and the midwives I saw.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hUTlSYa7_V4/WyxJEG_zpGI/AAAAAAAATLc/RS2HrxhKO68ZDV7ggjOruh4TO_aKpLI8QCLcBGAs/s1600/DGZH2982.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hUTlSYa7_V4/WyxJEG_zpGI/AAAAAAAATLc/RS2HrxhKO68ZDV7ggjOruh4TO_aKpLI8QCLcBGAs/s320/DGZH2982.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The morning of I felt anxious and ready to get started. It took a while getting checked in and things. Despite my efforts to eat dates and bounce on a yoga ball, I was still only dilated to 1 cm. The plan was to start with a foley balloon and a medication, the name of which escapes me, in order to dilate my cervix in preparation for pitocin. I was told that rarely does the foley balloon start actual labor.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It was 9:30 am by the time they had inserted the balloon and medication. It wasn't too comfortable and I followed the advice to rest. I was wishing I could pee but I kept drinking water anyway and hoped for the optimistic two hours rather than four that it could take to dilate to a 4. I closed my eyes for a while and then watched Fixer Upper. During that time Jeff walked the 200 feet across the street to his office to work for a couple hours since he doesn't get paternal leave and has limited sick leave. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Lo and behold, after 2 hours I had dilated to 4 cm! The nurse even double checked after pulling out the balloon. The policy is to not do anything (like pitocin) for a total of 4 hours after the balloon is in, so I waited. The cool thing was, I was starting to feel actual contractions about every 5 minutes.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Thank Heaven above, I was in labor! I didn't have to get pitocin. I didn't have to have an IV in my port. I didn't have to have continuous fetal monitoring and would be free to walk the halls with ease. Answered. Prayer.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So walk the halls I did. Jeff was with me during the whole process, except when I was resting with the balloon. </div>
<div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YbMopRNl5l8/WyxJUkVFb4I/AAAAAAAATLw/9pXKZXDYeY4k2I8idTfZBqsBIa1epbVBACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_6122%2B%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YbMopRNl5l8/WyxJUkVFb4I/AAAAAAAATLw/9pXKZXDYeY4k2I8idTfZBqsBIa1epbVBACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_6122%2B%25282%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">A big thank you to my friend Jennie for coming and capturing these moments!</td></tr>
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<br />During contractions I am very focused and just breathe through or moan. Jeff knows I like quiet and no touch, and others in the room usually catch on pretty quickly. In the hall there was a bar I could hold during a contraction. The nurse recommended I squat during a contraction. I tried, but for me it didn't feel too good. I just sort of sat a little bit. </div>
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I was SO grateful to have a midwife around during the whole process. She gave me a sort of assignment every 30 minutes that I could try if I liked. Every 30 minutes I had to be checked on the heart monitor, so that timing worked out. </div>
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The next thing I tried was leaning over the back of the upright bed. This felt very relaxing for me. This is when we got out my ocean wave sounds. I had started using that as background for my mindful breathing and stretching months before, and it had a really relaxing effect on the whole room. Again, just breathing or moaning through contractions and getting encouragement but mostly quiet.</div>
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Next I sat backwards on the toilet, leaning on pillows. She said 15 minutes was a good goal for this one as it is intense and after a while your legs will hurt. I was still really calm even though contractions were getting more intense. At this point an image of a lavender field and bees buzzing came into my head and I went with it. For the next while, every time I had a contraction I would go to that place and imagine the details. I next moved back to walking the halls and kept up this visualization. </div>
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After that I was happy to move to the bed. This seemed like a good time to try the "peanut ball" my nurse was so enthusiastic about. It is perfect for opening your pelvis while lying on your side. This is the same position I was in with Abby during transition. I figured I was close to that point. And I was. Things were getting more intense. I knew from before that transition would be quick, and that is what got me through it. At this point I dropped the lavender and visualized the head descending into the pelvis. Contractions were rough, but in between I could sigh and smile and think about meeting my baby girl. </div>
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I was dilated to a 7 and the midwife said they could break my water and have a baby within an hour. I agreed. </div>
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Jeff guesses transition was about 20. I got a little louder. I was gripping the mattress. Sometimes I moaned with an wide open mouth, thinking of Ina May's teachings that the state of mouth reflects onto the state of the cervix. Sometimes I breathed a quick breath like through a straw. Whatever came to mind I just did! This part was not fun, but again, I knew it wouldn't be long, and Jeff did too, and he kept reminding me of that. I think with labor a big key is not resisting the pain. The pain is bringing your baby. (Maybe it's not that simple for everyone, but for me that seems to work). </div>
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I'm not sure about all the details or the order of the events of the next few minutes. At some point they took away the peanut ball, asked me to stop gripping the mattress and to hold my leg instead. At some point I sort of felt a painful urge to poop and voiced this. "That's the baby coming!" is the reply I expected and received. </div>
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I have read many stories where pushing feels so satisfying it's not really painful. As I wrote this post, I started writing that it did hurt for me, but it was quick. Jeff thinks I was pushing for 5 or 10 minutes tops. However, after looking at the pictures I have, I'm not sure I remember this part very clearly. I can see from the photos that I was in pain, and then after the photo of the head crowning (not included here), my face looks very calm. So maybe pushing didn't hurt! I don't remember. It was quick anyway.</div>
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<br />Baby girl was born at 3:55 pm. There had been meconium in my water, for the third time. But this time, as I was informed when I asked at a previous appointment, I would still be able to hold my baby immediately, while the team checked her breathing and everything. So grateful policies like this are changing!</div>
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When I am pushing I am totally in the zone of my body. I remember forcing myself to open my eyes and look down when I knew the baby was coming. I think I closed them again though. But being able to hold that slimy body right away helped me to snap out of my intense focus on my own body, and focus on her. This was so nice! A big difference from when I birthed Abby unmedicated and she was immediately taken away to be checked. In that case I felt a huge feeling of accomplishment and relief but was not bonding with my baby -- the very reward for my efforts! </div>
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When she first came out she seemed gray and was not crying. The chord was wrapped around her neck once. The hospital practices delayed chord clamping (how much cooler can a hospital get?) but after 30 seconds they clamped the chord and then she pinked up and started crying.</div>
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It's a wonderful feeling holding my baby and knowing that being on my chest is the very best place in the world for her to be. And there she was! We spent probably an hour like this, trying breastfeeding on and off when she was interested. Precious time.</div>
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It also comforted me to hold her because after delivery there were some complications with getting my placenta out, having too much bleeding and needing some blood clots removed. This involved the midwife literally reaching her hand into my uterus to get everything out and prevent a need for surgery. Let's just say at that point I was happy to get some pain medication pumped into my IV along with the pitocin and other medication they gave me to facilitate recovery.</div>
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The midwife told me that my placenta showed some signs of aging, so it was good she came early. This was confirmation that we did the right thing being induced. Heavenly Father was looking out for this girl!</div>
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A boring hospital room sure becomes a sacred space when a baby is delivered. We love this baby girl, and are so grateful for the many blessings that accompanied her birth. At 6 lb 8 oz she is the smallest baby I've had by over a pound. Her size is not only cute, but also reminds me that Heavenly Father was involved in the timing of her birth.</div>
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We love Sophia Renee!</div>
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elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-10523573886251557672018-05-16T12:49:00.001-07:002018-05-16T12:49:11.793-07:00Cholestasis and Thoughts on Natural BirthThis pregnancy I have been diagnosed with cholestasis of pregnancy. Otherwise I am very healthy and this pregnancy has been pretty smooth, or typical. I am starting to feel that fatigue that comes toward the end, but I just try to keep my day simple, and not stay up too late, and I get through. The end is in sight!<br />
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Cholestasis is a condition where for some reason (probably pregnancy hormones) your liver slows down the production of bile. This causes a build up of bile acids in the liver, which can spill into the blood stream. The main symptom is itchiness.<br />
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However, there are also risks to the baby. There is an increased risk of unexplained stillbirth, so it is recommended that the mother be induced early, between 37-38 weeks.<br />
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When I found out about this I was of course a little stressed. A few days later I asked Jeff for a priesthood blessing, and was assured that the baby would be fine, but also counseled to follow the advice of the medical professionals.<br />
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So for some time now we have known (after double and triple checking) that it is recommended that I be delivered early. Early on we looked at the calendar and felt really good about June 15. That is 38 1/2 weeks for me.<br />
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The funny thing is, I have about the most mild case of cholestasis possible. This, and some other things lead me to believe this is just meant to be this time around.<br />
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First of all, it was amazing that my friend Jennie noticed me itching my arms, and told me to talk to my midwife about it. What my midwife told me about cholestasis actually convinced that I didn't have it. But they ordered labs and my blood level was just high enough to diagnose. A second blood draw a couple weeks later, my level was even lower. For many weeks I have not even been itchy at all.<br />
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Another interesting factor is that I had been stressing about when to have my mom come -- trying to avoid her choir rehearsal times and concert dates, but choosing between having her come for the birth and staying shorter, or coming later (somehow surviving) and staying longer. I went back and forth and neither of us felt a rush for her to buy plane tickets.<br />
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Additionally, as a post-doc, Jeff does not have any vacation days, personal time off, not to mention paternal leave. And his sick days have stipulations. So I was pretty worried about getting help and support while recovering and adjusting to life with a newborn and two other children.<br />
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I have now been officially scheduled to be induced June 15. Because my case is so mild, and I am having non-stress tests every week, the high-risk OB is comfortable letting me wait till 39 weeks to be induced.<br />
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This date solves those problems! My mom knows when to come and can stay a good amount of time. Jeff and I chose a day that is a Friday, so he can just use one sick day initially, and be with me that first special weekend.<br />
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So while I would otherwise never want to be induced, I of course want to protect the baby, and this is working out as a blessing for me as well. I am so grateful for the peace I feel.<br />
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That said, it is interesting, because I have been reading this most wonderful things about birth, and am looking so forward to doing it again with no epidural. I am slightly sad that I will have to be induced artificially, and will have to be in the hospital for the entire labor process, instead of starting at home. I imagine it will be more challenging to do it naturally with pitocin, but I am grateful to know of many other women who have done it.<br />
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It is important for me to just let myself be sad about this, but I also think I will work out as best as possible. I have midwives that are supportive of my desires to have a natural birth, the hospital has many options for laboring positions available, they will allow me to give birth in whatever position I like. Also, I know I need to keep my mind open, and whatever needs to happen will be fine.<br />
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But you better believe, I will be doing all the natural things the week of my induction, to help my body prepare!<br />
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Can I share some beautiful passages from a birth story in my new favorite book, The Gift of Giving Life?<br />
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In sharing this, I realized that some women reading this may have not yet had the opportunity to give birth, and others who have given birth, may have had a very different experience. That is ok. Just like with anything that is good and true, I think it is worth sharing for that very reason -- it is good and true.<br />
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This is from the story of Neoma Gould, who was actually induced for medical reasons as well. The labor was not easy, but with the support of her husband, using the birthing ball, receiving a priesthood blessing, and laboring in the hot bath, she made it to transition and pushing without getting an epidural.<br />
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"At that point [pushing] all breathing patterns went out the window. I made all sorts of moaning sounds...the pushing went fast. Before I knew it, the baby just slimed right out. I was surprised. I remember being amazed at how when the baby came out the pain relief was instantaneous and complete. It was all gone, and I felt wonderful -- exhausted but wonderful. Our baby was here. He was beautiful and perfect.<br />
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"I was overwhelmed by feeling of awe at what my body had just done. It was so hard. It was so painful and yet it was incredibly fulfilling and empowering. I was so glad I chose to experience all of it. I felt so close to God.... billions of women all over the world and throughout the millennia had experience this same thing. They had all felt contractions. <b>We had all come nigh unto death to bring forth life.</b><br />
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"Since then I've reflected on how going through a natural birth has helped me better understand Christ's Atonement. During the intensely painful part of labor,<u> I remember wondering if there was any other way</u>, but I knew the only way for this spirit to come to earth was through my body. I chose to submit my desires to God's will.<br />
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"...I know God chose to have His children come to earth through pregnancy, labor and delivery, with all its discomforts and joys. He must have designed it this way for a reason. Heavenly Father didn't do this to women as a punishment, but as a blessing."<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/10/are-we-not-all-mothers?lang=eng" target="_blank">Sheri Dew has said</a>, "<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.</span> </span><br />
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The ability to give birth is part of our divine<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"> inheritance as women, whether or not you have gone through it yet. I love the beautiful things I am learning as I read story after story of a variety of different birth experiences -- hospital births, home births, C-sections, inductions-- where all of the women have a prayerful attitude and a spiritual perspective. (shameless plug for this incredible book!!! I can't say enough good about it)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am so excited to give birth again and to meet this little girl!</span>elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-85929286818514038252018-02-23T07:45:00.000-08:002018-02-23T07:55:15.682-08:00Abigail's Birth Story (from 2015)I am finally at a point where I'm excited to have a baby, and even to give birth. I recently re-read Abby's birth story, and now I'm reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (highly recommend it!). The first half of the book is simply positive stories of "natural", or un-medicated births. It's wonderful and amazing to read. I'm also looking forward to reading The Gift of Giving life, which should be on it's way from amazon.<br />
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I just thought I would share a summary plus excerpts from my journal about Abby's birth. She was born August 11, 2015.<br />
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The day before I had an appointment and was dilated 2 cm. I took Elena to the park because it was "only" 91 degrees. I got Mexican food with a friend. I packed a hospital bag and wrote down Elena's bedtime routine. I took Elena swimming. I had thoughts that "I can do this!" in thinking about doing it without an epidural. The thing that occurred to me is, <b>my body knows what to do, I have to let it happen.</b><br />
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I started having mild contractions at 2 in the morning. I stayed in bed till about 6:00. We had breakfast, I went on a walk outside and talked on the phone to my mom and sisters. I knew I needed to stay busy and save my labor-coping techniques for later. My awesome friends took Elena on a play-date. They had planned this before and what good timing! Jeff went to work for part of the day and our dear friend Jane came to be with me.<br />
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I stayed calm and breathed through contractions, sometimes leaning forward on the exercise ball. In the afternoon I still felt so calm that I wasn't sure whether to go to the hospital, but the contractions were very consistent, so we went around 4 pm or so. In the car things were getting more intense so I started moaning when I felt a contraction starting. When I was admitted I was at a 4 1/2 or 5. The nurses let me do my thing. When I was having a contraction I was in the zone. But in between I would talk with Jeff. He was so proud of me.<br />
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I spent a lot of time leaning forward on the exercise ball. I asked the nurses if there was anything I should try besides moaning. The nurse explained that slow breathing is good for relaxation but fast rhythmic breathing is to distract yourself. That's when I started chanting vowels like "ah, ah, ah"<br />
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I tried standing for a while. I leaned on a cabinet. We had ocean waves sounds playing. This is when it was starting to get pretty hard. But I realized, <b>the pain and discomfort is coming from the baby descending into my pelvis. But that is the goal!</b> The only way out is down. So I tried really hard to embrace the pain - both mentally and physically by not resisting and closing my legs. This was difficult, and I didn't always succeed, but I believe it helped. I even managed to do some tiny squats during contractions a few times.<br />
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After doing that for a bit I was exhausted and went back to the ball. However the leaning over was starting to hurt my lower back. I thought it was time to try the bed. I lied on my side with my legs propped open. It was getting really painful. I was clinging to the side rail. It was harder to relax. I wanted to be checked and was hoping I had earned 8 cm by now, but was at a 7. I didn't know if I could do this. Jeff asked the nurses how long it might take, and they said it can be 1 cm per hour. Horrible answer. I couldn't do three more hours. But deep down I still didn't want an epidural. Vocalizing my doubts got me encouragement from Jeff and the nurses.<br />
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I got through another contraction or so and the nurses came back and asked if I thought things might have changed. I said yes, because I want to push. Moans turned to screams. It just felt so natural. There was a little chaos because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to push. They checked me again and I was 10 cm dilated. More screaming, some attempts at pushing, some attempts to stop. On one push my water broke, and I was happy to think this was really happening, and it was satisfying to have productive pushing.<br />
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They had me move to my back and scoot down which was super hard. But from this point on I knew it was almost over. There was a lot of pressure and a bit of that burning people talk about, but it didn't feel as raw as I thought - I must have had some good, natural pain killing chemicals going on. It all went fast after that. There was one point when the older nurse got my attention, made eye contact and reminded me to wait until the doctor said I could push, so I would tear badly. She told me the hollering was wasting my energy. I understood. I calmed down.<br />
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All I remember is really soon I was pushing and the nurse and Jeff could see her head, and soon I could feel her head pop out, and then the rest.<br />
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I did it! I couldn't believe it. I was so happy and relieved. Abby was purple but they said she was fine. I suddenly became aware there was a total thunder storm going on outside. So cool! I soon got to hold her skin to skin. She was smaller than Elena. Jeff told me I was much more alert and happy after this birth that with Elena when I had the epidural.<br />
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So that's it! I am excited that this time I will have a midwife in the hospital with me. I am seeing midwives at OSU's medical center and one of them will be there during my labor and birth. Also, in the hospital they have birthing stools, squat bard, and tubs. And I can deliver in whatever position I want. No more scooting down to the edge of the bed for the doctor!<br />
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Giving birth naturally is super empowering, and the more I read birth stories from Ina May's book the more I realize it is kind of the culmination of other things I'm learning about mindfulness. Looking forward to doing this again at the end of June!elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-52942589995298753692018-01-30T11:56:00.001-08:002018-01-30T12:18:57.623-08:00The Next Right ThingIt has been a while since I've blogged! But when I looked at the date of my last post, it makes sense. That would have been just before I started entering first trimester nausea and fatigue.<br />
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Despite having done it twice before, and despite being in really great mental and physical shape before becoming pregnant, first trimester knocked me down again! It's just hard to not feel well enough to do anything, but bored/sad that you can't do anything. And despite all the emotional progress I had made, I was really struggling to be excited to have a baby (babies are the hardest thing I've ever done, are you kidding me? Why am I doing this!) or to even be able to acknowledge the reality that it was happening. I preferred to stay in denial.<br />
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God's words to Eve in Genesis were becoming pretty real to me:<br />
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Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children;<br />
Genesis 3:16</blockquote>
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Sorrow! Does anyone else feel it at times? Also, I found it helpful to read that the footnote for 'multiply' says that the Hebrew means"increase thy discomfort and thy size (i.e. in the condition and process of pregnancy)." Definitely relevant and validating. It's part of the process.<br />
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Well, now I'm in second trimester and feeling much better. I've been able to exercise again, which feels great physically and helps my sanity. I'm getting more excited to meet this little girl as well.<br />
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Yesterday I posted this photo to my instagram stories of me doing crow pose. That morning I did some living room zumba/pilates/yoga. For maybe twenty minutes. That's how I roll. I'm sore today!<br />
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Then later that day for a little reality check I also shared this photo of me, literally lying in my laundry on my bed. (I guess I lost the original file, sorry)<br />
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I was tired! I was also sad because it seemed like my two year old, Abby, was starting to lose the afternoon nap. I had tried quiet time for the first time, and it worked, but only for the 25 minutes I had my timer going (start small). Now, both girls were on separate devices, which I didn't really feel great about, and I felt like I couldn't get up. Not a good feeling. </div>
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I share this because something interesting happened with Elena that served as a reminder to me of the fact that we can always turn our day around.</div>
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Earlier, in the process of teaching Elena about nap time, she had been defiant and disobedient and lost the previously discussed privilege of having candy after quiet time. I have recently embraced rewards, a big step for me, and it's been very useful! Well needless to say she was very upset and had a hard time with it. Watching Abby get a treat for staying in her room was also difficult. But we got through the afternoon. </div>
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Eventually I was able to get myself up, get the girls off the phones, and started folding laundry, and listening to music to brighten my day. Elena folded some towels to work toward earning her daily dime for doing three jobs (another new thing for me!) She was so cheerful and said, "this is a great day! I'm so glad we could go see my new pre-school this morning." </div>
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It just struck me what a change this was from earlier. But I <i>also </i>felt better. Sure I felt kind of lazy when I was lying in my bed, but I tried to give myself compassion and thought, "I'm tired. I'm pregnant, and I exercised, and did a lot this morning, and I'm tired." I also practiced some thought work I have learned from Jody Moore (Bold New Mom podcast -- listen to it!) and let myself feel sad about the nap time thing, but not let it escalate to worry. Anxiety, she teaches, is always about the future. I told myself, even if she doesn't nap anymore, I will figure it out. It will be ok. </div>
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And now we were busy folding laundry and/or playing as the case may be. It would be a fine day! </div>
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Something I heard once that stuck with me, is when you are in one of those low moments (like lying on your bed feeling like you can't get up, and feeling lame about it) is to think, <b>"what is the next right thing?"</b> Don't worry about the past, don't worry about the future. Just take the next step forward. We can all do that, at any given moment! So I tried to take this opportunity to point out to Elena how before she was having a hard time, and now she was feeling so much better, and how we can always turn our day better. This led to having a family home evening lesson on Enos and repentance. Such a gift we have, to always be able to change.</div>
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Overall, I have been learning and growing so much lately, and if anyone wants to talk about the deeper aspects of motherhood or life, you know where to find me! I want nothing more than to have these conversations.</div>
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Have a great day!</div>
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-80389604885194538512017-10-14T13:44:00.000-07:002017-10-14T14:22:58.252-07:00Dreams of Agriculture, Joy in the MiddleI have been overdue for a photography date (with myself) lately as things have actually been really busy! But today is Jeff's last shift delivering for Donatos! I am so grateful he followed the inspiration to take that job, both between employment, and then on Saturdays after his OSU position started. He called himself Jeff - PhD: Pizza home delivery. I love his humble dedication to providing for us. But it was definitely hard to not have Saturdays for family time and family business. So, again following the Spirit, Jeff is quitting.<br />
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This morning, when the light was just stunning, I got to go by myself to take pictures of the field just south of us, across from the elementary school in our neighborhood (crazy to think Elena will likely attend there next year!!!)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the summer these were soybeans. I've seen a lot of them around here. That and corn! #midwest</td></tr>
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It's hard to explain the pull agriculture has on me. I didn't grew up on a farm or anything. Though my Dad grew up on acreage and with horses, so it is in me. My soul is irresistibly drawn to nature in general, and when I see it, I want to keep it. Sort of selfish I guess. Maybe that's why I like photography.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">#morninglight #hearteyes</td></tr>
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I am lucky that Jeff and I have always shared this sort of far-fetched dream of owning land. There was a time when every time we went on a date or got in the car together we would talk about our future dreams.<br />
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We are now in this place in the middle. We are that much closer to our dream - Jeff finished his PhD, I survived the throws of new, young-motherhood. We upgraded from a sketchy apartment to a rental house. We escaped the desert and now live in a lovely, four-seasoned, green and moist area. We have literally and figuratively left the wilderness. :) And it feels great. We are so blessed to have divine guidance in our lives. It brings us so much peace knowing we are in the right place. This phase is proving to be great for Jeff's career path, and healing for me and for our family.<br />
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I am however looking forward to being settled somewhere. To have a real HOME. To be somewhere and know we will be there for 10 or more years. I actually like change, I thrive on it. But now that I am a mother and a homemaker, I can see the benefit of having a certain amount of stability, because things will always be changing anyway. I also love to really sink into a place so we can have strong relationships, grow, and ultimately, serve more.<br />
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That being said, I am also finding joy in the middle. If the fours year of grad-school in Arizona taught me anything, it is patience. We are learning so much through these lean years! I am so grateful we didn't start our marriage in wealth or convenience. These stretching experiences have helped us define our priorities. We aren't just preparing financially for the future, <i>we are becoming who we want to BE in the future</i>. (that could be a metaphor for life and heaven)<br />
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So while every time I step outside in the morning and see the light glint on the dew or shine through our neighbor's tree, my heart swells inside me with a longing for our own land, I rejoice at where we are now. Like Jody Moore says, "it is possible to love the home you are in, and at the same time want to move to a different home." In Arizona, that swelling in side of me was more like an ache. It hurt, thinking how far away that dream felt. Now it feels that much closer. And I know we can do it.<br />
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"I know in whom I have trusted." (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/4.17-35" target="_blank">2 Nephi 4:19</a>)<br />
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So we have mice. We have bees.We have spiders. So our new car gets rear-ended and totaled just months after we made that providential purchase.<br />
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I know it will work out. We have gotten through this before!<br />
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Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.<br />
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God got us through the wilderness, he will get us through the middle. I still hold on to my dreams of agriculture, but we are finding so much joy, beauty and growth now!<br />
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-5270962943893068782017-09-26T04:54:00.000-07:002017-09-26T04:54:13.904-07:00When a Feeling is Biological<div dir="auto" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
I want to share my experience this weekend in case it will help someone.</div>
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There is so much background I COULD give, I almost don't know where to start. I could explain how well I've been doing emotionally and spiritually lately. I could mention that I currently take <a href="https://meupku.wordpress.com/2017/06/20/kuvan-the-what-and-how/" target="_blank">Kuvan</a>, a drug for my <a href="https://meupku.wordpress.com/pku/" target="_blank">PKU </a>to help me metabolize protein better, thus allowing me to eat more of it. I could add something about Jody Moore and <a href="http://www.hunteryoga.com/" target="_blank">Hunter Clarke-fields</a> and all that I'm learning from listening to their podcasts (<a href="https://boldnewmom.com/podcast/" target="_blank">Bold New Mom</a> and Mindful Mamma). I could touch on my years of thoughts about and questions on and passion for the complex relationship between mental health and spirituality.</div>
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But I'll just jump right in. This Saturday was the <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng&cid=HP_SA_23-9-2017_dGC_fBCAST_xLIDyL1-B_" target="_blank">general women's meeting</a> of general conference. I was excited. I went to the church and soaked it all in. I came with questions. I took notes. I knew these messages were profound, relevant, true and what I needed to hear.</div>
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But at some point during the meeting I noticed I felt sad. I felt emotional pain. I thought "man this is hard. It's hard to feel so far away from God." And, trying to internalize the messages, thought, "well the one who bridges that gap is Christ. So I must need to draw closer to Christ to</div>
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feel peace...But I'm already trying to draw close to him every day! I guess I just need to press forward going through the motions even though I don't feel the good feelings."</div>
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Not a fun feeling or thought process. It is hard to put it into words, it may sound silly the way I described it, but it was very deep and very real. <b>This, to me is depression</b>.</div>
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I wasn't super worried, because I knew I could press forward (I have increased in my capacity to do this over the years). I did so on Sunday and had a fine day, but still couldn't shake the dark, empty feeling. When depressing feelings come it is hard to remember when they weren't there or imagine them going away.<i> It feels like it will always be this way. </i></div>
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I felt really confused about this though, because I had very recently, just earlier that week, been doing <i>really</i> well. Like, facing adverse circumstances with presence of mind, optimism, gratitude and joy. (See recent instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/elisabskid/" target="_blank">posts</a>) Experiencing genuine peace. </div>
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I have also been learning a lot about thoughts from Jody Moore. <a href="https://boldnewmom.com/6-what-do-with-negative-emotion/" target="_blank">Thoughts cause feelings.</a> But I didn't have a thought that made me sad, I was just sad. I didn't have anything going on my life that was sad, I just felt sad. </div>
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I was explaining this to my husband, and he asked, "Did you take your kuvan this week?"</div>
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I gasped. There were two days, Tuesday and Friday, when I forgot to take it. I hadn't noticed anything until then, but at that moment it clicked. I <i>was</i> experiencing depression. But this time it wasn't from circumstances or thought processes, it was because, if I am correct, my higher protein diet without kuvan had cause a higher blood Phe level which messed with the neurotransmitters in my brain. I can't prove this because I didn't take a blood level. But I am convinced that is what it was. (BTW this is the whole reason I have a low-protein diet -- untreated PKU causes neurological damage)</div>
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I share this because </div>
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1) I have so much sympathy for people who have clinical depression. It is such a horrible feeling. I think it is <i>especially</i> painful when you have the fullness of the gospel and understand God's plan of salvation. It is just so confusing to experience such mental pain when you strive to follow the Prince of Peace. To those of you with this struggle, you are incredibly strong and I pray for you.</div>
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2) To raise awareness about depression and to raise questions about the complex relationship between mind, body and spirit. Little episodes of depression like this or longer have dotted my life. But I am also close to people who have more chronic mental health challenges. So I speak from a place years of experience dealing with this.</div>
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My experience this weekend was unique in that it was almost completely biological, but I personally believe there are <i>many </i>causes and therefore many solutions to mental health challenges. Figuring out which ones are right for you and putting them into practice can take years, but I believe<b> there is a lot of hope and healing available</b>. Again, I am not trying to oversimplify, but I have seen this happen. I should probably write a whole different post, or <a href="https://windmillsofhappiness.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>, or book about this.</div>
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Taking a broad rather than a narrow view of mental illness opens up so much potential for growth and improvement. I believe in a holistic approach. Specifically, I support sleep, exercise, therapy, medication, personal spiritual devotional practices, introspection, <a href="http://thework.com/en/do-work" target="_blank">thought work</a>, self-care, <a href="http://self-compassion.org/" target="_blank">self-compassion</a>, meditation, yoga, relationships, all of it!</div>
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3) Faith still is the answer. I thank Heavenly Father that my husband had that insight and we were able to figure that out. One thing that led to that was me remembering how I felt earlier and knowing that was real, and wondering what the difference was. </div>
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Faith is a choice. Sometimes pressing forward in the darkness is what defines our faith.</div>
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I think I could write or talk about this for hours. So I will just leave it at that for now.</div>
elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-2844181599802352712017-08-12T12:30:00.001-07:002017-08-12T12:30:13.467-07:00Sister week!My parents raised us away from their families, so I always expected I would do the same. But it wasn't until to was married and had a baby that I realized how hard this can be. I am blessed to have a close family, and all we do all year is look forward to the one or two times a year we can get together.<br />
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At this phase of life, my two sisters and I all temporarily live as far east as any of us Seattle girls ever have. I'm in Columbus, Ohio, Marianne is in the Detroit area of Michigan, and Jenni just moved to Boston to go to grad school at Boston University.<br />
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When Jenni called to see if she could come visit me for a few days before her job and semester begin, I was thrilled! We arranged for Marianne to come down as well, even though she's already visited me twice since I've lived here (it's only a three hour drive for her). So it was a sister party!!! Jeff commented that he's never seen me so happy (I think he says that every time we are with my family).<br />
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The two full days involved lots of cousin time, going to my yoga class at the Y, a splash pad, talking time, Graeters Ice Cream, Jenni reading lots of books to her nieces, Asian food, Fixer Upper, photography practice, more talking time and a sisters night out.<br />
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Graeter's Ice Cream is allegedly the best ice cream Marianne has ever had, and she loves ice cream. :) So we had to try it.<br />
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<span style="text-align: start;">The shop was cute and had these awesome old-fashioned ceiling fans on belts. The girls LOVED their sprinkle cones. I got black raspberry icecream. Yum. But I'll admit, I was mostly focused on taking pictures of the cute girls enjoying their cones.</span></div>
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Sister Photo-shoot!</div>
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Always fun to have a reason to get dressed up. Even if it is to go to the yard across the driveway and take a few photos. :P </div>
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Caught on an off-moment :)</div>
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That's more like it.</div>
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Failed attempt having Elena shoot the photo from a chair by the tripod. "I can't see your faces!"</div>
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That night we did get beyond the yard and went to an Asian-fusion restaurant downtown. Not THE best we've ever had, but very enjoyable and yummy. It wouldn't be a Bement get-together without Asian food. Did I mention that our Mom covered dinner? Thank you mom!!!</div>
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Oh, avocado sushi rolls. You make my life.</div>
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I love these sisters of mine and I am SO glad they could come this week.<br />
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-24482632150821539362017-08-03T04:25:00.000-07:002017-08-03T04:37:51.832-07:00The Skidmores in the Ohio<div dir="auto" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
I just wanted to write an update for anyone who cares to know.</div>
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The short version is, we are doing really well in Ohio. We feel peace knowing we are in the right place. We feel blessed in many ways - Jeff's position is looking like it will be a great experience for his growth and future career. We feel very grateful to be in a welcoming and spiritually strong ward. I love the mom friends and regular play dates we have. I appreciate our house and the nice weather and green trees.<br />
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On a deeper level (my favorite level) I feel like the Lord has guided me out of a place of darkness to greater peace and light, and I am very thankful. Everyone I know in Arizona knows that I did not enjoy living there. Yes I complained about the awful weather, but the truth is, I was not in a good place in Arizona. Maybe my memory is foggy, but I feel like more often than not I was struggling. There are so many factors that went into that, and it doesn't really do any good to go into that here. And I believe we all have to go through those time in life, and I know that God will work all things together for our good.<br />
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I would like to share some ways the Lord specifically guided me out of that place. Before we moved I prayed a lot about being happier in Ohio. One day in the temple I kept thinking that I need to take a yoga class. I have always loved and believed in yoga but have never taken a class. And I also had impressions about practicing mindfulness. I think this actually helped me before we moved as well. I felt so much hope associated with the move, that I think it actually helped me live in the present more while we were still in Arizona. I enjoyed our last few months there and was able to face the stress of packing and moving with strength and optimism.</div>
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Soon after moving to Columbus I made it a priority to join the YMCA and have been going to yoga twice a week. It is so good for me in so many ways, and the girls enjoy playing in child watch. Thank heaven for the Y!</div>
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As a result of doing yoga and practicing mindfulness (I started reading Mindfulness for Parents by Amber Hatch and also bought Hunter Clark-Fields daily practice yoga and meditation package) I have been more calm, less, reactive, more present with my girls and overall happier!</div>
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This has also helped be able to sort of find God again. I know he is always there and cares about us, but when a person is depressed and tired and overwhelmed it can be hard to feel it. Being more connected to myself has helped me have more meaningful prayers and receive more revelation and hope for my life. I feel so grateful for all my blessings and know the Lord is taking care of me and my family.</div>
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On that note, last night I watched this wonderful BYU devotional with some friends. Some of us decided to form a discussion group for women so we watched this and then shared our deep thoughts and personal experiences and feelings and it was like a dream come true for me. I would highly recommend it! And the talk was so beautifully validating about that feeling of being lost and in the dark, with faith inspiring principles in how to deal with it. Check it out!</div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBnhrGlvZVQ" target="_blank">Waiting Upon the Lord: the antedote for uncertainty</a></div>
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So I don't mean to make it sound like life is perfect. Being unemployed for a couple months, and not getting paid for three months took a toll on our savings. Jeff started delivering Donatos pizza shortly after moving here. He is the best! With only one car this has meant me driving Jeff to and from OSU every day for work (I'm not about to be stuck at home all day). That should be changing soon, yay! So we have our challenges, but overall I just have so much peace and gratitude. Also, I'm sure my time in Arizona helped me become more patient to get through these little challenges. It helps that I know they are temporary. We are so very blessed.</div>
elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-17273920049565111732017-06-17T12:47:00.000-07:002017-06-17T12:51:33.850-07:00Bargain finds for our new homeWe are in Ohio! We are loving our rental home. It's not the dream home, and there are some annoying quirks, but overall a huge improvement from our previous place.<br />
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Biggest thing we appreciate -- more space! More space for storage and more space to live. This has allowed our home to be less cluttered than before. It also helps that I've been working on minimalism to an extent. We got rid of lots of things before and after moving.<br />
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Other good things - more natural light. A nicer kitchen. A little fenced yard. Green trees. :)<br />
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Another day when everything is ready I will do a post of the whole place. But today I wanted to share the great finds we've had!<br />
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Though Jeff graduated, we still haven't "arrived," plus he actually hasn't started working at OSU yet, so saving money is really important right now! Also, I don't think my income will ever outgrow the thrifty Mary Jane Wright side of me.<br />
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Here is what I did. I made a (long) list of all the things I wanted for our home. I prayed that we would be able to find good deals (an important step). And then I kept my eyes open. I went to thrift stores, I went to discount furniture stores. We went garage sale-ing (is that a word?) and I scrolled through craigslist and facebook marketplace (the latter is much more user-friendly) many times. And over the next two weeks we scored!<br />
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First score: this cute blue couch. It was at a garage sale for $75. Wohoo! It even has a pull-out bed. (no guarantee on how comfy it is, but you are all officially welcome to come stay with us when you visit Kirtland! :D) On that garage sale trip we also got really great toys for the girls, for next to nothing. Grandma Jane was proud of me that day!<br />
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Next, after scrolling through old, brown and black TV stands, I found this beauty on craigslist. It is brand new -- it was still in the box. The owner had bought three and was only using two. $100! Very happy with it.<br />
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The most recent find was this rug! I had been looking around and had even contacted a few people on facebook marketplace that didn't work out, but this one is new as well. Bought it this morning for only $75!<br />
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The clock was like $12 at walmart. I need to teach Elena how to tell time, plus it's always nice having a clock on the wall. The canvas art on the side is from Lowes. It was $29.99. I saw it one day and took a picture and couldn't stop thinking about it. So I thought it was worth buying to tie our room together. I love it!<br />
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The other thing was this little shelf I wanted for our bedroom to keep all our journals and things. This was on facebook marketplace for $5. This is literally the exact shelf I was thinking of buying at walmart. And the guy delivered it! What a find!<br />
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So, there you have it, if you wait long enough, you can find what you're looking for, sometimes even new, for a super awesome price. I am quite pleased.<br />
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As Elena said, "it looks like a home!"elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-55080753899452720572017-04-14T15:28:00.000-07:002017-04-14T15:28:04.649-07:00California VisitI wanted to share some photos from our recent trip to California. It was a wonderful vacation for us, and much needed after Jeff successfully defended his dissertation earlier that week. Wohoo!<br />
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Great to visit the Hartvigsons and see Aunt Annie. Elena had a blast with her second cousins, or, "my friends," as she called them. It was especially fun to see Eleina Hartvigson play so well with Elena Skidmore. Name buddies! We very much enjoyed seeing everyone, eating Polly's delicious food, having lengthy breaks from parenting while the girls played happily on the farm, and dreaming of our future owning land, etc.<br />
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Here is the cute trailer we got to stay in.<br />
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Here is the view of the mountains that border the 5 acre farm. The weather and the scenery were gorgeous!<br />
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Snake adventures! This gopher snake was spotted several times around the farm while we were there. When Jewellia found it on Friday, she called Brigham and they tag -teamed it's capture. It was pretty sweet to watch, and timely that I had my camera out.</div>
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Go brother-sister teamwork!</div>
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You can probably tell, I think snakes are cool.</div>
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Look at these cute cousins!</div>
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Elena was in heaven with these kittens</div>
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The whole group :)</div>
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Sisters!</div>
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Outtakes from our family photo shoot.</div>
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These cuties</div>
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Abby climbing, as usual</div>
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Cheeez!!</div>
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Look at Abby's huge smile!</div>
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-46462637493074580882017-02-22T17:04:00.000-08:002017-02-22T17:44:54.204-08:00Progression and JoyA poem I wrote today to express my gratitude for this incredible Plan of Happiness that allows us to progress and find joy:<br />
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We are that we might have joy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But there is so much sorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">This life isn’t perfect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I am not perfect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">How can I have joy?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Well, I try.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I try, and sometimes I fail.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But when I fail<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I learn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And learning brings joy!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">How great is the Plan of our God!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Because of Him<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We can learn from our mistakes,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Without being condemned by them.<sub>1<o:p></o:p></sub></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">God wants us to learn from our own experience<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">To know the bitter from the sweet<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">To choose for ourselves<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">To <i>want</i>
to be good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">He wants this for us so badly<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">That he lets us mess up and hurt each other and
hurt ourselves<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">All so that we can learn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Not just to do good,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But to be good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif;">1.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> 1. quote from </span></span><!--[endif]--></span><span style="font-family: "cambria" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Bruce
C. Hafen</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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The Bible Dictionary teaches that the Greek work translated as <b>repentance </b>"denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world." As a former stake president of mine said, "repentance is learning." Anytime I have a realization that changes my perspective and behavior, I consider that repenting.<br />
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And in the scriptures, repenting is associated with joy! What else brings us joy? How do we obtain joy? I thought about this years ago and came up with a list that all have something in common.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br />Gospel living brings joy. Relationships, including children bring joy. Repenting brings joy. Working hard brings joy. Learning and growing brings joy. Serving others brings joy. Being grateful brings joy. </span></div>
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What do all of these things have in common? <b>I believe joy comes from making sacrifices to be closer to God.</b><br />
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As Elder Nelson said in his recent talk about Joy and Spiritual Survival, "the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."<br />
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We can have joy in any circumstance as we focus on Christ and his gospel.elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-694751985454556102017-02-08T20:07:00.000-08:002017-02-08T20:07:24.266-08:00Afternoon in AnzioIt would be an understatement to say that I can hardly wait to get out of this apartment. Sometimes my heart just aches when we pull into our complex and Elena says, "We're home!" Sometimes when we go outside I have to take my girls somewhere else to play when there are too many young children playing outside with zero adult supervision, making choices I don't want my daughter picking up. Sometimes I get a whiff of fresh air and remember how amazing it feels to be in nature, or to be on land, and how alive and right I feel in that environment.<br />
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But sometimes, it's better to just not think about these things. And sometimes I succeed in doing that. I've been praying hard about my unhappiness and have been guided to ways I can find more joy in my life. One thing has been to exercise more intensely and regularly than I have been. Wohoo! It feels awesome. I don't know if weaning Abby has anything to do with it, but I feel strong again.<br />
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Another thing I have been doing is working on being in the moment. Right now, the weather is amazing and we need to enjoy being outside as much as we can!<br />
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The other day the girls were playing outside and I decided it would be a good afternoon to get out my camera again and practice photography. I seriously have a lot to learn, but it's fun to practice on my girls. These photos do no good just sitting on my computer, and I like to be able to look at all the best ones in one spot, so I am sharing them here on my blog.<br />
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Bought myself flowers last week when I was having a bad day. I love flowers on my wood table!!! And carnations were a great choice, they have lasted a long time!</div>
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Fun with chalk</div>
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My climber</div>
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-1805842633189641022017-01-30T20:58:00.001-08:002017-01-30T20:58:44.059-08:00Downtown Tempe PhotographyThe other day we drove by the historic Hayden Flour Mill and I said, "I need to take pictures of that!" I have always loved old buildings and rusty metal, and since getting my first DSLR camera I hadn't taken a shot at urban photography yet. So this inspired a rather unique date idea. I would go downtown and start taking pictures, and Jeff would walk over from campus and try to find me. I would text him pictures every now and again to send him clues. Well, the finding me part didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped, but it was creative! I kept forgetting to text him, and we ended up passing each other. When we were reuniting I stole a picture of him and sent it. I though that was pretty clever, but it was so far zoomed out he didn't recognize it was him.<br />
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We then agreed to eat at a nearby restaurant. It's amazing how after living in Arizona for a while, 62 degrees feels really cold. I was shivering! I didn't want to walk anymore, so I was happy there was a good restaurant right where we were on Mill Avenue -- Ra Sushi. YUM!<br />
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So here are my pictures of downtown. They aren't amazing by any means, but I am learning! I definitely know my style and what I love, but the art of taking a great picture still needs to be mastered.<br />
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-56524822758830242072017-01-28T20:24:00.000-08:002017-01-28T20:24:37.550-08:00A Full FridayThis Friday started off as a normal day, but it quickly proved to be one of those days where you know you're being tested.<br />
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First of all, the night before we had a little trauma when Abigail hurt herself in a tender area by sitting down really hard on a toy in the bath tub. There was blood, there were tears. We made sure the bleeding stopped before deciding to not go to urgent care and let her go to bed instead. We were sure to comfort Elena as well who was worried about her sister. Jeff gave Abigail a blessing in her crib while Elena and I started playing Sequence For Kids, a typical night-time activity for us. That night singing, "mine is a home where every hour is blessed by the strength of priesthood power," to Elena before bed meant a little more.<br />
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In the morning I made an appointment to have Abby seen before Elena's OT appointment. We played outside a bit while I talked to my sister on the phone. Not a bad morning. We were even ready to get in the car early, when I realized the car was totally out of power. Couldn't even unlock the doors electronically. After talking to a neighbor, calling my husband, and him calling State Farm who sent roadside assistance, we were able to get jump-started and make it to Autozone to get a new battery installed and be back right before nap time! Whew.<br />
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So I had to cancel our appointments, but things worked out, and Jeff and I were grateful. While we were waiting for the roadside assistance I had decided today would be a good day to try something I'd seen on facebook for a fun activity since we were stuck at home anyway. Colored shaving cream! The girls enjoyed it. Here is where the next fun thing came up. I realized the bugs I had seen in Abby's hair yesterday were not just fruit flies, but were smaller. I caught three and put them in a ziploc. I google bed bugs, nope. Then lice. Yup. Oh boy! This really is an interesting day. As Jeff put it, a "lousy day." Bah. Ha.<br />
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By this point I couldn't get into the pediatrician because they were all full. I was able to talk to a nurse though and she gave me the run down of the lice treatment method they recommend, which is <a href="http://nuvoforheadlice.com/test/" target="_blank">The Nuvo Method</a>. It uses cetaphil (which I already had!) and a blow dryer. Doing the treatment was a team effort by Jeff and I. Side note, the girls no longer have lice to pass on to anyone else. When the girls were finally in bed, we celebrated by sitting on the couch with some popcorn and watching Fixer Upper. Yay.<br />
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So yes, it was a full day, of many unexpected challenges. But I got through. And it was interesting, because it reminded me that I actually deal pretty well with some kinds of stress. Sometimes those unexpected challenges help me feel stronger. It was a nice contrast from what I have been feeling lately -- weary of the way my three-year old pushes my buttons and how weak I am at keeping my temper. I've just never felt so weak. This motherhood thing is intense. Any seasoned moms want to sit down and tell me if this is normal?<br />
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Anyway, just wanted to share about our crazy day for anyone who wanted to know.<br />
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Today was great (probably partly because of the contrast). We went as a family to the zoo. We decided before moving we would do the camel ride once, and today was the day. Fun!<br />
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During nap time I lied down (yay) and cleaned the floors (YAY! This is huge for me, it's my biggest cleaning struggle).<br />
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Tonight Jeff and I had a fun date which I will hopefully write about soon. It will involve photos from my new camera that I still need to edit. :D<br />
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-2408711316562961142016-12-31T15:55:00.001-08:002016-12-31T15:55:20.414-08:00No Where I'd Rather Them BeI had a good realization recently about my motherhood identity. We are taught and I believe in the nobility and Christ-like nature of a mother's sacrifice for our children. But when I am struggling mentally and emotionally, the sacrifice doesn't feel very holy. There was a time in the recent past when other mom's posts about being SO grateful to be a mother left me feeling a little bitter, not knowing whether or not I felt that way.<br />
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First of all, getting myself to a better place emotionally has transformed how I feel about motherhood, and it is wonderful and I love it! I could probably talk about the importance of taking care of your mental health all day, but I will leave those details out for now.<br />
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A month or so ago I had a day where I did feel full of gratitude to be a mother and to be able to stay home with my children, and so I posted about this on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BM9x5VKBMC_/?taken-by=elisaskidmore&hl=en" target="_blank">instagram</a>. In expressing this feeling, I used the phrase, "There is no where I would rather them be."<br />
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I felt slightly insecure about not being able to honestly say, "There is no where <i>I'd</i> rather be." But a few days later in reflecting on that I realized that yes, sometimes there are places I would rather be or things I would rather be doing, but that I don't do them right now, because I want to be taking care of my children. That I actually care about them more than I care about myself, in that sense. Being selfless doesn't mean you don't care about yourself (in fact, it is extremely important that you do care about yourself) it means that you have a bigger picture in mind.<br />
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These girls are my children and there is no where I would rather them be. <b>I</b> want to be the one taking care of my children. I want them to benefit from <i>my </i>love, from the gifts God gave me and the reasons He let <i>me </i>be their mother.<br />
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So I am not a perfect mom, and there are still hard things every day, but now I feel more aware and content with the fact that there is no where I would rather my children be. I love being a mother and feel great peace in fulfilling this role.elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-15219924003837628182016-10-12T10:44:00.002-07:002016-10-12T10:44:28.142-07:00A Letter to Myself<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">An assignment from my therapist that I enjoyed:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Elisa,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Five years later, and we are settling into a new life. I remember those days in Anzio apartments, in Tempe Arizona, with Jeff in grad school and the bishopric with two little munchkins, like it was yesterday. Things are beautiful now, but I want you to know I miss some things. And more importantly, where we are now is only because of who we became going through that wilderness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Now the girls are both in school (??!!) and I sort of miss those simple days at home with both of them, where I was their primary care giver and teacher. Morning fights with Elena over doing her hair, Abigail crying every single time I put on her PJs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I miss the baby feet. OH those babuh toes!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't miss the sleepless nights, but I miss the sweetness of breastfeeding.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As much as I resented the environment of the apartments, I sort of miss those crazy afternoons where I couldn't calm the chaos until I filled the baby bath outside and let the girls play as I watched from the kitchen window. The girls blissfully unaware of the mess of gravel, spit, dog poop, cigarette ashes and who knows what out there in their play yard. I miss chasing Abigail up those stairs because nothing could stop her little active, explorer heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I miss baby hands. I miss Elena saying, "I love you, Mommy," and wanting me to put her to bed. I miss Elena's funny words and phrases like "last morning," and, "hanitizer".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I miss the people. The quirky ward. The amazing friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I almost miss the crazy smells in the apartment complex -- cigarette smoke, trash, pot, Asian food, Mexican food, fast food. Ok maybe I don't miss those, but the grit. The grit that came from wanting to move to our own home with a yard SO badly, but having to wait. The inner yearning that came from having my morning walks in search for peace disrupted by a parking lot full of cars and greasy pavement, with smoke and swear words lingering in the air.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Most of all I am grateful for who I became, for who we became, from going through that. You did your very best! You tried your very hardest to deal with a climate you hated, a depressing environment, loneliness, discouragement. You put yourself out there and made friends and created a good life for your little family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Hang on and trust that "<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 25.2px;">all things wherewith you have been </span><span style="line-height: 25.2px;">afflicted</span><span style="line-height: 25.2px;"> shall work together for your </span><span style="line-height: 25.2px;">good</span><span style="line-height: 25.2px;">, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord." [D&C 98:3]</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 25.2px;">With Love,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 25.2px;">Elisa</span></span></span><br />
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<br />elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-87139182843994784092016-08-30T10:22:00.000-07:002016-08-30T10:22:02.212-07:00A New DawnI have recently been reminded of my great need to share things I have learned in order to find meaning in my experiences.<br />
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Basically I am emerging from a several month depression. I am doing a LOT better. Yay!<br />
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I believe for me it was caused mostly by long-term sleep deprivation. What I mean by that is for months on end, I almost never got longer than three hours of uninterrupted sleep. This post is not about baby sleep, so I will leave it at that.<br />
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What did this look like for me? There are different levels of depression, and I would say mine wasn't severe. In fact, I think my coping skills and faith is what kept it almost manageable and hard to identify in myself or to be perceived by other people as needing help.<br />
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I was in survival mode, despite being 8 and 10 months down the line from the newborn baby phase that is by nature a survival stage. I was exhausted. Normal tasks like shopping, cooking and cleaning seemed completely overwhelming. I have struggled with shocking and uncharacteristic anger, unfairly directed at my 3 year old. Figuring out the baby sleep seemed impossible, getting my baby to eat more food seemed impossible. I was so tired! I could hardly make decisions. I understood the importance of breaks, exercise, dates, doing things for me, but it was hard to get them, or get them consistently. I felt tied to my breastfed baby so it was hard to schedule things. Even going on dates it was hard to relax (though I know it was still good). Add to that the <a href="http://elisakatherine.blogspot.com/2016/02/to-arizona.html" target="_blank">many other circumstances</a> that are in opposition to my happiness right now. But <b>it's not just these circumstances - it's the mental state of feeling truly "not ok.</b>" Going to church and hanging out with friends sometimes left me feeling more isolated, because I felt like people didn't understand what a hard time I was having.<br />
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<b>But this is why I am writing this.</b> Realizing I was depressed and reaching out for help made all the difference!<br />
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One day I was reading symptoms of postpartum depression and saw that it is not always characterized by lots of crying or feeling sad. Some of the symptoms were anger and feeling <i>totally</i> overwhelmed. That's how I felt! I had depression! I'm not crazy, I don't have a lack of faith, motherhood isn't the worst thing in the world, I'm not a super lame mom, my friends aren't totally inadequate, I have depression! This realization helped me change my expectations for myself, not be so discouraged and reach out and get help.<br />
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To me, <b>realizing and accepting mental illness helps you feel better about yourself and your life.</b><br />
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I have many more thoughts on this subject, but I will save that for another post.<br />
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Reasons I'm doing better: I started going to therapy which is wonderful to get validated and receive counsel and get some clarity on what I've been going through and where I can go from here. I went on an awesome trip to Indianapolis for a <a href="https://meupku.wordpress.com/2016/08/02/npkua-conference/" target="_blank">PKU Conference</a> which was great on many levels - a break from parenting, a new place, a hotel stay, a fun and very fulfilling experience, reminding me of who I am and what some of my passions and abilities are. I went to a family reunion in Colorado, escaped the abominable Arizona heat, spent time with family, had breaks from my kids, spent time in nature, enjoyed how happy my children are when playing outside, had fun myself. Upon returning we made changes to get Abigail to sleep more so I have been getting longer stretches of sleep. This is probably the biggest difference. Other good things - Elena has started a part-time pre-school -- yay! I am singing in a professional level choir again for the first time since being married. Fall is almost here and it is our last school year in Arizona/this apartment/grad school. Wohoo!!<br />
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Life is looking up. It's a new dawn.elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-48965092034104137462016-05-31T17:18:00.001-07:002016-05-31T17:18:59.488-07:00A little Motherhood prose<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lately things have been a little crazy...in my life...and in my mind. I will just leave it at that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I just wanted to jot down a few thoughts while the girls eat some veggie sticks. And it may be weird, but this is the way I write sometimes. If you want a much better written blog post, see the previous one. I just re-read it, that was a good one!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Also, I am going to get some "professional help," in addition to this writing therapy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe I need to re-write my internal dialogue</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Instead of focusing on my struggles and all the things I can't do, inside and outside motherhood, focus on</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">What am I doing?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I am sustaining life, nurturing creativity, blah blah blah. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">All the things that motherhood is.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I just now realized there is throw up from last week on the cupboard...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">This is a huge sacrifice.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">But if I embrace the sacrifice it will be less scary.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">People talk about wishing they enjoyed these moments more.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">People also talk about wishing people wouldn't tell them to enjoy it more.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Maybe it's supposed to be hard to enjoy, let alone survive.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Maybe it's also supposed to be looked back on with the fondness that can only come from going through it and struggling.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Some pictures from recently</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Sick Elena last Monday. Honestly, the best day of my week. She took two naps. Jeff stayed home from work because it was the first business day after his week long trip to Sweden. It was fun to be with him! We did laundry (see next picture) and got organized and watched Fixer Upper.</span></span></span><br />
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First time successfully French-braiding. Now THAT is exciting. I watched some YouTube videos and realized something I had been doing (or, thinking, since I've hardly devoted any time to this) wrong</div>
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Awesome Dad. Helping me with aforementioned craziness as well as taking care of me when I got sick Saturday and Monday. Awesome PhD candidate. Just passed his comprehensive exam! Yay! One more year...we will survive!</div>
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Elena had this idea to make the crib into a fort today. :) Thus began the poetry in my head. </div>
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Mostly I played with Abigail outside of it so she wouldn't mess it up. But this was a cute moment.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span>elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-44337079202756215232016-02-04T08:45:00.000-08:002016-02-04T08:45:39.567-08:00Life is hard and it's OK<span style="font-family: inherit;">I recently read <a href="http://time.com/4069899/anger-management-tips/" target="_blank">an article from Tim</a>e about how to deal with anger based on neuroscience. Basically it said that according to science, neither suppressing anger or venting it helps. The only thing that can help you feel differently is if you distract yourself, or in essence, change your perspective. For instance, if someone is blowing up at you and you tell yourself "it's not about me, they must be having a bad day," you can feel totally calm despite the confrontation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This has really stuck with me and I think it can apply to other things as well. I know my husband has learned the only thing to help with anxiety is to accept it and experience it. I know when I have negative thoughts I can't address them, I have to shift to a different thought pattern. It's about re-writing your mental dialogue. That supports what we learn in the gospel, that in our trials our eternal perspective allows us to have peace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last night I had a chance to apply this in another way. It hit me that having a child disobey you is a very unpleasant feeling. But as I was praying about it I realized maybe it's not bad to experience unpleasant feelings. I cannot control my child. The scripture came to mind, "Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high." [D&C 121:7-8] If you endure it well! It's not about avoiding discomfort, it's about doing the right thing. So applied to parenting (my life right now) that means learning how to be a good parent, rather than trying to control my child.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So without getting into specifics of how to parent, I think as in all things, this is a balance of finding God's will - what He wants us to change (and we can only change ourselves, even if that means how we influence our child) and what he wants us to accept.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lately I have been surprised at how delicate my faith is. Things can be going well and I can feel great one day, and the next feel completely discouraged. Maybe it's part of the package of being a young parent with little sleep, constant change and unpredictability, and not much time for personal devotions or exercise. But I think it is probably just life! The covenant path is not an easy one!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This article in the January Ensign, </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2016/01/young-adults/revealed-realities-of-mortality?lang=eng" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Revealed Realities of Mortality</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> was also very insightful. Hard work is our common lot, and the way to become more like God. Marriage and parenting are also the vehicle to our refinement and exaltation. This sentence definitely </span>resonated<span style="font-family: inherit;"> with me right now:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"<span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314); color: #333333; line-height: 30.6px;">Bearing children is neither easy nor convenient, but it is a commandment that helps us realize the real blessings of mortality.</span></span><br />
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So I am trying to embrace that life is hard and turn to the Savior for help. This world is so evil, and life has so much opposition. But I am choosing faith. And I believe that will help me find joy in the journey.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;">my Joy</span></td></tr>
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elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2841771410527544036.post-8963237903952306172016-02-04T08:14:00.001-08:002016-02-04T08:16:34.045-08:00To ArizonaI feel like I owe Arizona an apology. Anyone who knows me will know I have whined a lot about living here. I'm sure it's been obnoxious even.<br>
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While this Is still not where I want to settle and raise our family, I just want to acknowledge that Arizona is not all bad and explain that my strong negative emotions came I believe as a result of a combination of many circumstances. Yes the summer heat is horrible, but it is also the ghetto complex we live in, the loneliness I felt for a long time, being pregnant during the summer, my husband being in grad school etc.</div>
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On the contrary, today I feel there are many beautiful things that are special to me about my time here.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-aCRvVPW-208/VrN5YC0VXXI/AAAAAAAAHjk/eEGfIcuE97s/s640/blogger-image-156458209.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-aCRvVPW-208/VrN5YC0VXXI/AAAAAAAAHjk/eEGfIcuE97s/s640/blogger-image-156458209.jpg"></a></div><br></div>
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Sunsets, those desert bushes that smell amazingly like water, the mountains and stars.<br>
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Mostly the friends. I know once we finally leave this place and settle into our new home who knows where, my heart will ache for the many wonderful and deep friendships I have formed here.</div>
elisaBskidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04754211166532930734noreply@blogger.com0