Not Judging

I am writing this because I need to work on this. I have been working on it, actually. So I’ve thought a lot about it, read things about it, and given family home evening lessons on it. I thought it would help solidify it in my mind if I wrote blog post, almost like a church talk, on the subject. And maybe those reading this would benefit from the resources I’ve found as well.

Hopefully we all know there is a difference between judging what kind of people you should hang out with or let your kids hang out with (intermediate judgments) and condemning others for their weaknesses and sins (final judgments). If there is any question about that, see Elder Oaks’ excellent talk, “Judge Not” and Judging.

I am mainly focusing on final judgments. Elder Oaks talks about final judgments as assuming we know the eternal outcome of someone’s mortal existence. I don’t think many of us presume to know that, but we might make judgments in our mind thinking that what we see is the way people are and always will be. We might look at others and see their weaknesses and let that define them in our minds. To me that is a form of final judgment.

Elder Oaks says, “we must refrain from making final judgments on people because we lack the knowledge and the wisdom to do so. We would even apply the wrong standards.” The truth is, we not only don’t have the right to make final judgments about people, but we don’t have the wisdom to do so.

President Monson’s talk in priesthood session, “See Others as They May Become,” kind of counteracts this problem. Instead of seeing people as hopelessly flawed, “we need to bear in mind that people can change.”

This brings me to the next important point. When we presume to be able to see others’ weakness clearly, we are really kidding ourselves. “Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly,” from hymn 220 comes to mind. I’ve been reading the New Testament, and Paul teaches, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory o God.” (Romans 3:23) We all need a Redeemer. So we are really all on the same page. Paul again asks, “Why dost thou judge thy brother?...For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.” (Romans 14:10) 

And, “Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? To his own master he standeth or falleth.” (Romans 14:4) Everyone around us is accountable to God, not to us. And we don’t know what is really going on, what they’ve been through or where they are coming from.

In talking with my mom recently I realized that there are things that bug me about people in my life. Like maybe one thing for each friend. My mom felt the same way. And it makes me wonder, “what is the big thing that bugs my friends and family about me?” I have sometimes imagined what it would be like to tell a friend, “THIS is your problem, this is what YOU need to work on.” But what if someone did that to me? Would I be able to handle it if someone I loved came to me and told me my major flaw? I would probably feel defensive and explain why I am like that. Then in the quiet moments that followed the conversation I would probably worry about how people see me and if I could ever improve something that is so much a part of who I am. The point is, this is of course not the way to deal with each other’s weaknesses. Maybe some day I could be the type of friend who would be able to help someone see their weakness in a completely loving way that would leave them with confidence that they could do better. Today is not that day.

But we all have at least one friend who is like that: Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They love us and know us perfectly. It strikes me that instead of focusing on the weaknesses of others, that a much better use of my energy would be to humble myself enough that God could tell me what my major flaw is and that I could handle it; That I could be humble enough to acknowledge that He is right and know that He doesn’t love me any less, feel a desire to be better, and have the faith that I could access the atonement and really improve. If I did that than I would probably have a lot more patience for other people the their weaknesses as well.

A friend recently made the most insightful Facebook post. She pretty much sums up everything I have been talking about. She said,

“The ability to love is inseparably connected to the desire and willingness to constantly forgive for hurt or pain you receive and to constantly repent and change so you can better help and serve others. Love is sacrifice. Love is doing everything in your power to become more like Christ.”

            -Kelsey Howell

I hope that these thoughts will not only click in my mind, but will sink into my heart. I know that being full of love is a happier way to go. See Mosiah 4:9-12 for a formula on how to have joy and be filled with the love of God.

I hope this was insightful. I am sure you are all doing better at this than I am.  : ) 

Dreams of Agriculture

I just finished reading Anne of Green Gables. I grew up watching those movies and they hold such a warm spot in my heart. It was my first time reading any of the books. I frequently laughed out loud. Anne's revelings are so ridiculous and yet part of me wishes I was more easily delighted like she is. I think I shall have to read the next book because there was hardly any headway in the area of Anne and Gilbert in this one!

L.M. Montgomery's description of the rural town of Avonlea not only left me with a firm resolve to visit the beautiful Prince Edward Island someday, but has reminded me of a major goal I have in my life. I have always loved being in nature. And sometime after high school it got so that almost nothing could charm me more than the sight of a farm, a windmill, a garden or the smell of hand-made soap. I don't know if it was bike rides with my family through the agricultural district on Green Valley Road, time on my grandma's property eating honey from her own bee hives, or buying a bar of pear oatmeal soap in a little tourist town called Idaho Springs, but my soul is drawn to agriculture. Reading of the orchards fields and forests in Avonlea leaves my heart yearning for a life like that.

My Grandma's Property in the late Fall

I have a theory that being married to someone with similar values solidifies those values within yourself. You have someone to validate you, so your goals and dreams feed off each other. When I met my reserved engineering husband I didn't realize he would be one to dream of having land someday, but it turns out he is! We both have encouraged each other's desire to own land and live off of it as much as possible. We have so much fun talking about our dream home with chickens, a garden, and all kinds of inventions of his creation to bring us toward self-reliance.

It's interesting. As I was ending my college career, I found it very difficult to imagine myself in a job that could really make me happy. Not only did I not secure a dream job for myself post-graduation, I didn't even know what a dream job would be. But the happiness I feel when I think about living off the  land makes me wonder if that would fulfill me in a way no job could. It would definitely be a lot of work. I mean being a stay-at-home mom can easily be a full-time job, so I imagine taking care of land wouldn't be much less demanding. And yet I think the two would go very well together. As a stressed mother I think the outdoors would refresh me. And as our children get older they would of course learn to work outside as well. So I like envisioning myself in this lifestyle.

There is only one problem. I don't know anything about agriculture. I have a hard enough time keeping our house plants alive. Both of our fathers are engineers, I grew up in a large suburb, my husband grew up in an engineering town. That's not to say we don't have agricultural roots. My husband's grandparents on one side had land and a large garden, and his mother has quite a successful garden herself. On the other side his grandpa is a soil scientist. My dad was raised on 14 acres with a pond, horses, and at some point cows. My dad actually always dreamed of having land, but it just never happened for us. So it's almost like the dream has skipped a generation.

My husband and I are planning on making this happen for our family. But that will be many years down the road, after grad-school is over and a more steady income is coming in. I guess that gives me lots of time to learn about gardening! My first goal is to learn about plants that grow well inside and to have an herb garden this spring. This will require some research. I hope to gradually learn how to have a thriving garden of flowers and vegetables. I would love to have fruit trees and we hope to grow raspberries if the climate permits. My husband secretly wants to own a buffalo someday, but we'll see how we do with smaller animals first.

Fresh produce from my mother-in-law's garden last summer

It has been comforting to me to realize that while I may not have as many career goals as other girls my age, I do have a dream. The reality is, however, that my next adventure in life is raising children. I'm not sure I know any more about that than I do about growing cucumbers, but I will give it my best effort!

Fall Decor Purchase Triumph!

Lately I have been eying the pumpkins and corn stalk bunches at the grocery store for my fall decor. But $5 for a bunch seemed crazy when I knew how many houses on my street had them growing in their backyard. I wasn't sure I could really get some that way but I just felt like holding off on that purchase.

Then yesterday I went on a morning walk and ran into the one person I've met in my ward who is my 1-door-down neighbor. She is so kind and it was great to talk to her because like I said, I don't know anyone. But low and behold, she had corn stalks in her front yard that they were selling for, wait for it, 10 cents a piece! That's 10 for $1 rather than the $5 Macey's and Smith's were asking for. Score!

Then after working at a school in Highland (beautiful area by the way), right across the street from the school there were kids selling pumpkins they'd grown at their grandma's. I pulled up in my sketchy red van and picked out 5 orange and green autumn squashes and handed $5.50 over to the young man helping me as he loaded them in my trunk. His mom made sure he thanked me ("Thank you so much!" she added. I think the kids were actually keeping the money).

And there you have it, my fall decor for a steal of a deal and supporting local farmers. It was also empowering to wait for that lower price. As a long-term goal I intend to buy locally whenever I can. Yes, the food is supposedly healthier, but it also just seems more efficient. If you or people around you can provide it, why have it shipped from across the country? To me it has to do with being resourceful and having self-reliance.

It reminds me of my Grandma, who gives and takes from the community. She pays local boys to work on her property. She sells her peacock feathers to a local buyer and lets a bee keeper keep hives on her land and in turn takes part of the harvest and can sell some of it for profit. I believe there is a valuable exchange that is lost in the urban life of Walmart and Costco.

 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

-Proverbs 31:10

Have you ever read the rest of that chapter?

... She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar...

 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

That's what I want to be like! The prudent manager of a happy healthy home. I'm working on it. : )

Lesson #3

This post is a continuation of my previous post. I said I would post again if I had any new insights about life post graduation, zero career and pre-kids. Well I have learned something!


Lesson # 3: Hard work.

Anyone who knows me will know that I like to have a balance in my life. While some people have to resist the temptation to work too hard, I...well, let's just say that's not a temptation for me. And this trait is not a reflection on my parents. My parents taught us girls to work hard. And my other two sisters each have a different personality than me in this area. At any rate, I did not inherit a workaholic jean.

At this phase in my life where I am graduated from college I think I may have also started to feel entitled to having a really cool job. But I haven't found "the dream job." In fact, I don't even know what my dream job is (other than being a mom). But what I realized this week, is that it's not about what job you have. Work is a principle of the gospel. I always need to be working, whether at home doing house work, volunteering in the community, or doing what I call my "high stress, low rewards job" - substitute teaching.

The church leaders certainly teach this principle. I found this page when looking up some statements about work. Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that "work is always a spiritual necessity even if, for some, work is not an economic necessity." It doesn't matter how much I am getting paid or if I am in the field of my degree, I need to work hard.


Jeffrey A. Thompson shared a powerful lesson in his BYU devotional, What is Your Calling in Life?

Allow me to share a simple experience from my mission. As I as nearing my release date, I anticipated a sense of loss when I could no longer give all my time to serving God. At a zone conference, my mission president opened the floor for Q&A on any topic. I raised my hand and asked, “After our missions are over and we are no longer full-time servants of God, how can we keep a sense of purpose?” Before the mission president could answer, his wife leapt to her feet and, literally elbowing him aside, said, “I’ll take this one.”

I will never forget her response. As near as I can recall, she said, “When I do the laundry, I am building the kingdom of God. When I scrub the floors, I am serving the Lord. When I tidy the clutter, I’m an instrument in His hands. I do a lot of mundane jobs, but if my eye is single to God and I’m trying to serve my family, then I feel as much purpose in my work as a missionary can.” Those words remind me of what King Benjamin said about laboring in the fields to support himself—a decidedly unkingly occupation. He said, “I do not desire to boast, for I have only been in the service of God” (Mosiah 2:16).e

I have found that the devil tempts me to think I would really be happier if I didn't have to work. But that is not true! In fact, I believe I will never truly find happiness if I avoid work. No amount of leisurely walks or good books will make me feel fulfilled. Work brings joy.

Realizing this turned my week around. I took more subbing jobs and did more work around the house. Even when I was tired Thursday night from managing a rowdy bunch of 2nd graders all day, I set goals for the evening instead of just plopping down on the couch to get sucked into facebook for an unpredictable amount of time. I was in control! On Saturday Jeff and I went to the temple to do sealing ordinances for the dead. Then we worked around the house. It felt great to clean! Having a clean home invites the Spirit. Being organized is empowering. We still had time to be together and Jeff was able to go to campus while I went to the Relief Society broadcast.

I may have to learn this a few more times, but realizing this really helped me change my outlook on my life right now and I am grateful!